Well, I spent last night feeling confused, isolated, hurt…it seems so hard to accept pain sometimes. I’ve managed to work out the anger that has stemmed from that pain. But the sorrow is still there. I catch myself tearing up for no reason now. I don’t understand how God works sometimes….why things have to happen the way they do. I don’t understand how I can continue to love. I mean I do…logically…but emotionally…it really hits home. The whole circle of love, hate, good, evil…or whatever. I can’t make someone not be afraid, or want to take a chance, or trust, or anything…we can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want. I just don’t understand why sometimes it seems like a good thing gets taken away, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Sorrow is a strong emotion and it causes a lot of regrettable actions….this I know from experience. Once again I had to apologize for my stupidity and lack of ability to think logically through an illogical emotion. The subsequent feeling or thought of sorrow, for me is “what did I do wrong”. Or why can’t someone take a chance, in a healthy way and trust me? Maybe I haven’t been trustworthy…I don’t know. Maybe I try to hard…or not enough… or something. All I know is right now I’m filled with loss…I’m sure this will pass…everything does. But strong feelings and emotions, depending on the person, can alter chemical process for a long time. I’m addressing a lot of those types of situations at present, but I don’t have all the answers. And I’m tired
I feel like I just lost my best friend.
Writing the way you do… this will save you. You are lucky to have this one solace. I am deeply touched by what I have read so far. Thank you!
Hey, I stumbled on your blog and trust me you are not alone. I like to say life is a big Question Mark that we are waiting to turn into an Exclamation Point. Its true, sometimes God doesn’t make sense. But I think of him in a parental way. We don’t understand at the time why parents make boundaries and rules, but as we get older and gain understanding we learn to appreciate the road blocks. I hope things get better for you. The bad times help you appreciate the good. It just sucks when things go badly for a long time, then we start to forget what the good even looks like. Stay lifted.
Thank you!! So far it has kept me from relapsing and I have been able to search my soul and clean it out, so to speak…it is a great tool, and I will continue to write until I can no longer do so. 🙂