I just don’t get it.

I cannot describe the feeling of emptiness I have right now.  Even though I have talked to you today, my heart still aches when it faces the reality of the situation.  I vacillate between feeling ok, to complete heart break.  I don’t know whether to keep on in my current path, or go a different direction.  I think I love you too much. I wonder if I’m completely afraid to let you go, because I want to see if your heart will change. Sometimes I don’t understand your reasoning ..logically I understand, but on an emotional level, how can you leave me?  How can you tell me you love me, and then say you can’t be mine? How can you promise to care and protect and guard my heart, then one day just change your mind?  How can you tell me you are falling in love with me and tell me every day that you love me, then say, “NO”.  I want to scream at you, tell you how you have broken me, I want you to feel my pain. I don’t know how you can say that you have nothing to complain about, yet you have hurt me to the core.  I don’t know how you can say that this isn’t easy for you, but then act like it is easy.  I don’t understand that.  It’s confusing. “I just broke someone’s heart, and I have nothing to complain about”.  I don’t get it.  This is one of those times I am hurting and confused.  You said you had to back away…why?  You said in the beginning that you were falling in love with me….did the new wear off and now since that mushy gushy feeling is gone, it’s over for you?  Love is not always a feeling..it’s an ACTION….maybe you just don’t like me that much.  Maybe I’m too intense, or too open, or too giving, or too needy, or too SOMETHING.  Maybe right now, I just don’t get it.

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