I really have a blessed life.  Through heartache and tears…I have been given the gift of knowing that I will be ok…

That being said, I wish I could have known what the future held.  I wish I could have known that the last words you were going to say to me were “I love You’.  I wish I could have not been so selfish and spent more time telling you how much you meant to me and how much you have impacted my life. I wish I could have been closer, so I could have spent more time with you during those final days, weeks, months. I guess it never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t be there anymore. You had always been there. Why would it be any different?

The pain that I have carried for the time since you left, has been on some days, unbearable, but yet I’m still here. Life has gone on.  Even though it’s been some time since you left, it seems like just yesterday that I talked to you.  You had such an impact on my life,  and subsequently my childrens’ lives. I wonder what it would have been like for you to see them grow up, into the wonderful young adults they are today.  And I wonder what you would have said to me, every time I screwed up, every time I cried, every time I missed you so much that my heart bled tears. I can’t count the times I’ve prayed and wondered what you did when you left this earth.  Where did you go?  Can you see me?  Hear me?  I wish I knew.  I believe I will see you again, though the level of understanding and comprehension will be so different, that I am sure. Until that time…

I love you.