Well, here we go. I’m in crisis at the moment. My mind is betraying me and my soul feels lost. I’m crying randomly, feel like I’d be better off not on this planet. No, I do not have a plan. I’ve been on the phone with a support person, trying to unload this weight. I’ve been trying to pin down a trigger/s, but can’t find one right now.
This happens. I felt it starting to come on a few weeks ago. I don’t know why, I don’t understand why, and I’m tired. I’m tired of constantly trying to ”be ok”. I know I’ve posted about this before, and I probably sound like a broken record.
I’ve been told to ”get over it”, ”it’s in the past”, ”suck it up”… and all of those statements that a person hears when dealing with reoccurring mental health issues. Trauma has ruined me right now. I feel hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, nauseous. I feel like I’m crazy. Maybe I am. I have diagnoses of ptsd, bpd, apd, mdd, gad and something else I can’t remember. I have autoimmune disease that I’ve been told has been caused from years of mental issues. Trying to ”suck it up” for so long.
Then I hear people, who I’m sure are trying to help, tell me that they “have a friend that has been through something similar and they were able to work through it”. Good deal. I’m happy for them.
But right now I’d rather be… not here.
I’m just so tired of feeling like I have to fight just to breath.
I’m just so tired.