If you click on the the t-shirt it will show you the different colors and styles that are available. I also have a nature type campaign that I’m running, I’ll post it below as well.
I’m running a t-shirt beta test with this company. OOOH!!! And I made my 1st podcast!!!
There are different colors for this campaign as well. Just click the t-shirt to go to the site.
OH!!!! I published my first podcast today!!! It was kinda weird, but cool. It’s just a short intro type so I can see how it works. It can be found on most streaming podcast services, under SHASSYS WALKABOUT. It’s on iHeart, Spotify, iTunes and Amazon right now.
Here’s a link…this is just for Spotify, as I’m still trying to figure this out… lol
When I’m out doing things, mowing, working on the jeep, or just relaxing…I let Sadie out to wander around. She has a dedicated pasture for herself, but I pull her off of it during the winter to manage the grass. Since spring is on the way, I’ve been letting her out to run around the rest of the 180 acres.
When it’s time to come in, I just whistle and call her name, and she comes back. Yesterday I saw her heading west along the fire lane and I thought I’d go meet her, but when I got around to that area, she wasn’t there. Clearly she took a left and headed straight to the barn, because she knew it was chow time.
I haven’t owned her her whole life. This is year 5 for us being together. I’m finding that even an old horse can learn to do new things. I’m working with her at liberty, and it’s been the most amazing thing to learn and watch her communicate with me, and me communicate with her. This summer I really would like to see what she’s willing to do…at liberty…and see what new things we can learn about each other, and together.
Horses are amazing. They tolerate our mistakes, and our inability to know from the start, their communication language. When I was younger I had a different idea of what training a horse meant. I’ve always tried to keep an open mind, and always be able to learn new and different ways. Stepping outside of myself and being able to learn from her, has been the most rewarding.
One of my favorite things to do is just go out and “be” with her.
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I’m making some changes to my website over the next few days. Revamping, etc. Please be patient with me.
These last few days have been rough. Technical difficulties, ptsd symptoms, unidentified back problem. But the highlights have been taking my myself out in nature and just breathing.
Yesterday I worked on a new electric fence lines… posts were already up, but the deer were chewing through the line, and the fencer itself was ancient. So, I kept trudging along, getting my steps in. Whatever is wrong with my back doesn’t cause pain when I walk, just when I bend over or try to sit up. Blah blah…getting old isn’t for wussies.
Anyway, I’m realizing that I can’t control everything… and I really shouldn’t try. I didn’t realize that I was doing that…and the tighter I’ve been trying to hold on, the less I feel like I have a grip. The ole’ “get a grip”….I’ve got mine too tight, and things are falling down around me.
Years ago I used to be less of a “get a grip” type of person.. I’m not sure what has happened over the last few years to make me change, but I have, and now I need to work on realizing that I don’t have control.
Continued Changes…next 4 days. Please bear with me! (Me⬅️get a grip!)
Last year I started learning about online business. I spent that whole year learning and expanding my techy nerd status. I also learned what I want to do, and what I don’t want to do, as far as online business is concerned.
I’ve decided to do it the old fashioned way. I don’t have the funds to run a lot of paid ads, so I’m mostly using YouTube (new channel), Instagram, Twitter, Medium and FB. I don’t do much on facebook other than cross post. Twitter and Medium is more for my poetry, and YouTube, Instagram and my blog is everything.
If you want to access any of those other platforms, you can via THIS LINK…it’s my linktree.
Anyway, just an update, my site is changing and I wanted to fill you in. Thanks for your support.
✌️
Shassy
PS. Here’s a short clip of some of the things I post on YouTube
This post is mostly for therapy today, so there’s your disclaimer.
I’m seriously considering ETC treatments, my psych med provider is checking into ketamine treatments. I am researching hallucinogenic mushroom treatments…though I think all that is really available is getting into a study. I’ll link one that I found the last time I did research.
At the present moment I’m fighting off a mild panic attack. I’m feeling shame, guilt. I don’t know why, I haven’t done anything. Though I think it’s all tied into the realization that I fell off the wagon with my binge eating….I know that sounds stupid, but that’s the way it goes. I screw up, then all the things I ever did wrong, that I can remember from 15 years ago, comes flooding back.
All the times I drank too much, and drove. Acted very less than lady-like, as my Grandma would say. The times I intentionally hurt myself because I was trying to put some kind of focus on the pain I was feeling. I know have scars to remind me daily. I even found a picture while I was learning something new about my phone…making a movie…you have to scroll through to get the pictures you want, and yadda yadda, I found pictures of my arms.
I feel the ruminants of childhood pain. That’s what it feels like. How I felt when I was a kid. Not all the time, but a lot of the time.
Logically I understand the process, what my brain is doing. But emotionally I go through it all again.. I could try to block it out, but that never works. Never ever. So I sit here and just feel it. It is tiring, frustrating, and I beat myself up for being human. It’s like a dog chasing its tail, I cycle around and around and around….sitting on a merry-go-round stuck to a plastic horse that’s attached by a pole, spinning out of control. I can’t get off the horse, or exit the ride. The times the merry go round slows down enough for me to touch solid ground, I’m wasted, dizzy, nauseous and stumbling around like a cripple. That’s how I feel… crippled.
Two days later…..
Ok, so I stopped writing this because I typing was even too much. It’s two days later, and I needed to finish.
The episode passed. I wrote a poem, and now I’m nursing my back again.
Now I just feel numb… which is what happens. I feel nothing. Well, I feel tired. So I’m being present, and just feeling whatever it is that comes around. I’ll work through it, and move forward.
As I’m reading this post, I can see my emotions, feelings and thoughts go up and down…two days ago I was feeling like the biggest piece of shit on the planet, and now I’m feeling nothing but blandness and exhaustion. I am glad that I’m feeling better about myself in general, because that just sucks. I think I’ll spend the night in the Jeep tonight, and listen to nature. I’m staying off of social media, with the exception of my own content, and the occasional checking of my security cams. I. Have. To. Take. A. Break.
I’m in the cycle where I’m not sleeping normal… then I’m tired during the day. Random anxiety attacks, and over all not wanting to deal with anything social or human.
So what. I’m sure there’s others out there going through the same thing. It’ll pass.
Plus, I binge eat. It’s something that’s just sort of manifested that last couple of years. I’ve been working really hard to not do that…my labs came back good, except my LDL was 111. Last lab I took, it was 87.
I can’t explain this binge eating, and it’s only with sweet stuff…over the last few weeks, I’ve done ok at not reaching for that unhealthy coping skill, but last night I fell off the wagon and ate chocolate fudge cake mix. Yea, just the mix. Well, mixed with some warm butter and water. That sounds disgusting now as I think about it, and it’s made my sick today, because it’s too much processed food, sugar and all of the things that my body isn’t used to anymore.
So, what now. Up all night, tired, cranky, 0 motivation, on a scale of 0-10. 10 being the bestest ever in life. (Yes, I’m being a crybabysissybedwetter…I’ll get over it).
I’ve got to get this in check. I’ve lost 14 pounds so far, and I don’t want to screw it up by getting back on the sugar shack train. Eating chocolate fudge cake batter is just stupid.
I have a body image issue, body dysmorphia is what it’s called I think. I’ve had it my whole life, but never understood it until a few years ago. I won’t go into the details, but you can read about it here.
I feel guilty..which is an important note. Back in the day when I would drink a lot to cope, a lot of times because of the situation, the next day I would wake up and feel like I had committed the seven deadly sins. I felt so much guilt for how I acted while under the influence. The stupid things I did, the times that only the good Lord above saved me, when I should have been taking a dirt nap.
The guilt is a symptom of another symptom. Addiction. I’m an addict. If I’m not careful, my go-to “drug of choice”, can and does change. Recently it’s been sweets and sugar. I’ve just transferred my addiction…to something else. I’m not drinking, abusing medication, doing illegal drugs…but I am acting like an addict.
Maybe one or two bites of the cake batter would have been fine…but my brain goes haywire and I over do it, and binge. The next day I feel like shit, and guilty, as the spiral starts.
This is what happens when I don’t keep an eye on my mental health. I mean I’m trying to do “the things”, and stay active, but addiction is a sneaky little bastard, and sometimes I fail.
I don’t know right now if there was a trigger, or if it’s the moon cycle, or if I’m just going through it again. What I do know is that my body CAN NOT handle the binge. I know this.
Ok, so I had to add in my favorite coffee as of right now. I can’t believe how great it is. There’s a video of me somewhere doing an unboxing…I’ll try to find it to add to this post. Not that that will make you want to buy some, but you should. It’s roasted in America, shipped and packaged by a small company, and I just love it.
So, I’m doing what my shrink told me to, write about how I’m feeling and learn to be vulnerable. This is difficult sometimes. I don’t want to admit that I still struggle with addiction. But I do. Time to reset and forgive myself. I am worth it. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Here’s me and Fletch. I was riding him with some other people a few years ago. Really nice little medicine cap gelding. Had the patience of a saint. I really enjoyed riding him that day, he was calm, eager and ready to go do something.
Me and Fletch
It was an enjoyable ride, and he never gave anything but his best for me.
He is now owned and loved by a family who has little kids. The patience he shows with those kids is priceless. Standing and allowing them to learn how to mount up and accepting their youth and learning.
Horses are an amazingly forgiving animal, in most cases. They tolerate our mistakes, our inability to figure out quickly what their language is, so an effective team and trust can be built. They listen to your heartbeat, and breathing, and can tell if you are anxious or scared. Without proper learned communication, this just makes the horse anxious, just like us.
A horse like Fletch can’t tell us what his past has been, but from when I rode him, he was accepting of this new stranger on his back, and made ME confident. It’s always a guess when I get on a new horse, to test out for someone, or just riding someone else’s horse. Fletch told me “Hi new human! I’m Fletch, and I’m going to show you that I’m good, and I’ll take care of you on our ride today”.
He did just that.
If your horse is reacting, check yourself, your feelings, and your emotional status… it may be that you just need to have a talk, and spend some time getting to know each other, at liberty.
What do you think about horses? Have you ever had any experience with them? Do you have a communication problem with them? Let me know
I am keeping my socials to Instagram, and my YouTube channel that I am building. And of course my blog. But you can access those socials via this link https://linktr.ee/hrsygirl. I’m also on Reddit, and that is a wonderful place to get advice, inspiration, and to share whatever you are going through in life. I am starting from scratch building my YouTube. Even if you don’t use those socials, I would really be super appreciative if you should share at least my blog posts, to get the word out. My goal is to get out from under the thumb of the gov, and not have to rely on $1000 a month to live on. I’m doing it the old fashioned way by picking the best platforms for that. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wouldn’t be able to do it without support, and encouragement .. ✌️💜😊
I love the different expressions on our cats faces.
Every morning I am greeted with sweet meows, funny cat running, and the ones that walk right in front of me and then fall down all dramatically. I must always watch where I walk, because there are a couple that I swear are trying to trip me, so they can laugh while I’m on the ground.
I may be the crazy cat lady right now, but I’m ok with that. I’ve raised all but four of the cats you see in the video following. It’s also heartbreaking sometimes.
I keep a spreadsheet of them all because I administer all of their shots, and flea/tick treatment. But some days it’s sad because I go in to do my treatments, and update the chart, and I see so many that aren’t with us for now.
Let me explain why, in a real world visual.
I love the different expressions on our cats faces. All 16 of them. Love and Loss
I don’t “own” the cats, I feed, and take care of them and the property where they are located. They have heated houses, a barn, and a heated garage they go into. I have a couple of very bonded females (Bubbles and Millie), and they will sleep together in one of the houses.
One year I came out to work, and was setting up the mower, after I had fed everyone, and a young adolescent named Starsky wasn’t greeting me. He was about 6 months old. But I had bonded with that cat like we had known each other in another life time. I was able to teach him to give me a high five on command, along with a few other tricks, very early on in his first few months of birth. He was very in tune with me and we were just an item. (Though I love them all).
Shortly after that, we started having quite a bit of predation from bobcats. And I think Starsky went by that way. I drove around 180 acres and searched in the woods, calling and crying for him all day.
I was heartbroken for what seemed like forever and ever. I shut down a little, and all my other cats started to notice, and they tried their best in cat meows, and loves, that they understood my pain.
I talk about loss because it’s inevitable. These are “barn cats”, but not your average barn cats. Some may ask, “but why can’t you keep them from dying?” The answer is simple, we vet them, get them shots, wormer, have warm places to sleep, but they are allowed to discover their own lives and create a little “pack” of their own. They are happy being “free”. But with freedom, comes nature. Luckily it stopped shortly after and I have been so thankful.
We keep one female open, and it’s very interesting how Tomcats arrive from nowhere, in the middle of nowhere when she comes in season. Last years Tom, bless his heart, was the most feral cat I have ever seen. I watched him catch a full grown rabbit one morning and eat the whole thing.
He started to come around more often, and I was feeding him, and he was becoming more calm. He wouldn’t let me get very close, but wouldn’t run off anymore. As I watched his progression, I realized he was very old, and had many battle scars.
One morning I went out to feed everyone and he was laying on our back patio furniture, which was very uncommon for him. As I looked closer I realized he was coming to his end of life. He felt safe enough to come here with all of our others, and die. I fed him what he would eat, but I found him gone, and buried him.
Why didn’t I take him to the vet? Because he had been wild his ENTIRE life. To cause him stress in his final days, by live trapping him, taking him into a vets office where he would be terrified, and then subsequently having him euthanized in what would have been a scary and unfamiliar place for him, seemed barbaric. Why take a wild animal out of his comfort zone, just so it could make his final days miserable? No, I won’t. So I talked soothingly to him, when I could walk by, offered food, but in the end he refused. And then the mighty Tom, was gone.
I think I did him right. I didn’t try to changed his life, stress him out, only show love and give food and water.
He is buried under a tree by the pond.
I tell this story about Tom because I feel that sometimes, like in his case, when an animal is completely feral, and decided to trust you (me in this case), to come closer during his end days,I should give him the respect to pass out of this life the way he wanted. He didn’t want me to mess with him, he just wanted a soft place to land for his final breath. I feel like I gave that to him. He passed on his genetics, which are VERY strong, to three of his kittens that we have. They will be a year in May. Three very different personalities, and three cats ingrained with a strong sense of survival.
Cats also don’t meow to other cats. They only meow to people. Their vocalizations between themselves don’t include the “People Meow”…..it’s a varying differences of noises, growls, hisses and face slaps. There are some days during the moon cycle where I feel like I’m a ref at a UFC fight sometimes. You can believe they get scolded for that, because they know EXACTLY what I’m saying. 😁
Anyway, here’s the video. Enjoy the many faces of our cats.
Here’s a Story 