If you click on the the t-shirt it will show you the different colors and styles that are available. I also have a nature type campaign that I’m running, I’ll post it below as well.
I’m running a t-shirt beta test with this company. OOOH!!! And I made my 1st podcast!!!
There are different colors for this campaign as well. Just click the t-shirt to go to the site.
OH!!!! I published my first podcast today!!! It was kinda weird, but cool. It’s just a short intro type so I can see how it works. It can be found on most streaming podcast services, under SHASSYS WALKABOUT. It’s on iHeart, Spotify, iTunes and Amazon right now.
Here’s a link…this is just for Spotify, as I’m still trying to figure this out… lol
When I’m out doing things, mowing, working on the jeep, or just relaxing…I let Sadie out to wander around. She has a dedicated pasture for herself, but I pull her off of it during the winter to manage the grass. Since spring is on the way, I’ve been letting her out to run around the rest of the 180 acres.
When it’s time to come in, I just whistle and call her name, and she comes back. Yesterday I saw her heading west along the fire lane and I thought I’d go meet her, but when I got around to that area, she wasn’t there. Clearly she took a left and headed straight to the barn, because she knew it was chow time.
I haven’t owned her her whole life. This is year 5 for us being together. I’m finding that even an old horse can learn to do new things. I’m working with her at liberty, and it’s been the most amazing thing to learn and watch her communicate with me, and me communicate with her. This summer I really would like to see what she’s willing to do…at liberty…and see what new things we can learn about each other, and together.
Horses are amazing. They tolerate our mistakes, and our inability to know from the start, their communication language. When I was younger I had a different idea of what training a horse meant. I’ve always tried to keep an open mind, and always be able to learn new and different ways. Stepping outside of myself and being able to learn from her, has been the most rewarding.
One of my favorite things to do is just go out and “be” with her.
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I’m in the cycle where I’m not sleeping normal… then I’m tired during the day. Random anxiety attacks, and over all not wanting to deal with anything social or human.
So what. I’m sure there’s others out there going through the same thing. It’ll pass.
Plus, I binge eat. It’s something that’s just sort of manifested that last couple of years. I’ve been working really hard to not do that…my labs came back good, except my LDL was 111. Last lab I took, it was 87.
I can’t explain this binge eating, and it’s only with sweet stuff…over the last few weeks, I’ve done ok at not reaching for that unhealthy coping skill, but last night I fell off the wagon and ate chocolate fudge cake mix. Yea, just the mix. Well, mixed with some warm butter and water. That sounds disgusting now as I think about it, and it’s made my sick today, because it’s too much processed food, sugar and all of the things that my body isn’t used to anymore.
So, what now. Up all night, tired, cranky, 0 motivation, on a scale of 0-10. 10 being the bestest ever in life. (Yes, I’m being a crybabysissybedwetter…I’ll get over it).
I’ve got to get this in check. I’ve lost 14 pounds so far, and I don’t want to screw it up by getting back on the sugar shack train. Eating chocolate fudge cake batter is just stupid.
I have a body image issue, body dysmorphia is what it’s called I think. I’ve had it my whole life, but never understood it until a few years ago. I won’t go into the details, but you can read about it here.
I feel guilty..which is an important note. Back in the day when I would drink a lot to cope, a lot of times because of the situation, the next day I would wake up and feel like I had committed the seven deadly sins. I felt so much guilt for how I acted while under the influence. The stupid things I did, the times that only the good Lord above saved me, when I should have been taking a dirt nap.
The guilt is a symptom of another symptom. Addiction. I’m an addict. If I’m not careful, my go-to “drug of choice”, can and does change. Recently it’s been sweets and sugar. I’ve just transferred my addiction…to something else. I’m not drinking, abusing medication, doing illegal drugs…but I am acting like an addict.
Maybe one or two bites of the cake batter would have been fine…but my brain goes haywire and I over do it, and binge. The next day I feel like shit, and guilty, as the spiral starts.
This is what happens when I don’t keep an eye on my mental health. I mean I’m trying to do “the things”, and stay active, but addiction is a sneaky little bastard, and sometimes I fail.
I don’t know right now if there was a trigger, or if it’s the moon cycle, or if I’m just going through it again. What I do know is that my body CAN NOT handle the binge. I know this.
Ok, so I had to add in my favorite coffee as of right now. I can’t believe how great it is. There’s a video of me somewhere doing an unboxing…I’ll try to find it to add to this post. Not that that will make you want to buy some, but you should. It’s roasted in America, shipped and packaged by a small company, and I just love it.
So, I’m doing what my shrink told me to, write about how I’m feeling and learn to be vulnerable. This is difficult sometimes. I don’t want to admit that I still struggle with addiction. But I do. Time to reset and forgive myself. I am worth it. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
I love the different expressions on our cats faces.
Every morning I am greeted with sweet meows, funny cat running, and the ones that walk right in front of me and then fall down all dramatically. I must always watch where I walk, because there are a couple that I swear are trying to trip me, so they can laugh while I’m on the ground.
I may be the crazy cat lady right now, but I’m ok with that. I’ve raised all but four of the cats you see in the video following. It’s also heartbreaking sometimes.
I keep a spreadsheet of them all because I administer all of their shots, and flea/tick treatment. But some days it’s sad because I go in to do my treatments, and update the chart, and I see so many that aren’t with us for now.
Let me explain why, in a real world visual.
I love the different expressions on our cats faces. All 16 of them. Love and Loss
I don’t “own” the cats, I feed, and take care of them and the property where they are located. They have heated houses, a barn, and a heated garage they go into. I have a couple of very bonded females (Bubbles and Millie), and they will sleep together in one of the houses.
One year I came out to work, and was setting up the mower, after I had fed everyone, and a young adolescent named Starsky wasn’t greeting me. He was about 6 months old. But I had bonded with that cat like we had known each other in another life time. I was able to teach him to give me a high five on command, along with a few other tricks, very early on in his first few months of birth. He was very in tune with me and we were just an item. (Though I love them all).
Shortly after that, we started having quite a bit of predation from bobcats. And I think Starsky went by that way. I drove around 180 acres and searched in the woods, calling and crying for him all day.
I was heartbroken for what seemed like forever and ever. I shut down a little, and all my other cats started to notice, and they tried their best in cat meows, and loves, that they understood my pain.
I talk about loss because it’s inevitable. These are “barn cats”, but not your average barn cats. Some may ask, “but why can’t you keep them from dying?” The answer is simple, we vet them, get them shots, wormer, have warm places to sleep, but they are allowed to discover their own lives and create a little “pack” of their own. They are happy being “free”. But with freedom, comes nature. Luckily it stopped shortly after and I have been so thankful.
We keep one female open, and it’s very interesting how Tomcats arrive from nowhere, in the middle of nowhere when she comes in season. Last years Tom, bless his heart, was the most feral cat I have ever seen. I watched him catch a full grown rabbit one morning and eat the whole thing.
He started to come around more often, and I was feeding him, and he was becoming more calm. He wouldn’t let me get very close, but wouldn’t run off anymore. As I watched his progression, I realized he was very old, and had many battle scars.
One morning I went out to feed everyone and he was laying on our back patio furniture, which was very uncommon for him. As I looked closer I realized he was coming to his end of life. He felt safe enough to come here with all of our others, and die. I fed him what he would eat, but I found him gone, and buried him.
Why didn’t I take him to the vet? Because he had been wild his ENTIRE life. To cause him stress in his final days, by live trapping him, taking him into a vets office where he would be terrified, and then subsequently having him euthanized in what would have been a scary and unfamiliar place for him, seemed barbaric. Why take a wild animal out of his comfort zone, just so it could make his final days miserable? No, I won’t. So I talked soothingly to him, when I could walk by, offered food, but in the end he refused. And then the mighty Tom, was gone.
I think I did him right. I didn’t try to changed his life, stress him out, only show love and give food and water.
He is buried under a tree by the pond.
I tell this story about Tom because I feel that sometimes, like in his case, when an animal is completely feral, and decided to trust you (me in this case), to come closer during his end days,I should give him the respect to pass out of this life the way he wanted. He didn’t want me to mess with him, he just wanted a soft place to land for his final breath. I feel like I gave that to him. He passed on his genetics, which are VERY strong, to three of his kittens that we have. They will be a year in May. Three very different personalities, and three cats ingrained with a strong sense of survival.
Cats also don’t meow to other cats. They only meow to people. Their vocalizations between themselves don’t include the “People Meow”…..it’s a varying differences of noises, growls, hisses and face slaps. There are some days during the moon cycle where I feel like I’m a ref at a UFC fight sometimes. You can believe they get scolded for that, because they know EXACTLY what I’m saying. 😁
Anyway, here’s the video. Enjoy the many faces of our cats.
Social media is great… especially for people like me who are introverts, but want to keep in touch.
But it gets to be too much sometimes. So I step away. I put my phone on do not disturb, so I don’t constantly see notifications, and I just write, rest, or spend time in nature.
In the process of hurting my back, and doing the things needed to get it healed up, I was sort of forced into a break, but I slowly realized I was needing one anyway.
If you know my story, then you know I struggle with mental health diagnoses, and as much as I would love to be “even keel”, and emotionally leveled out, the fact is I’m not that way.
I’ve been working on my #jeepminicamper and that has been a source of accomplishment, and also a way to distract my mind from morbid thoughts, unrealistic fears, and some depression.
The thing about mental illness, for me anyway, if I don’t manage it right, all of the things I do to distract my mind, come creeping back up if I try to pretend that they aren’t there. So I just deal with it. I put myself in the very present, noting the things around me, what I’m doing, or not doing. What is actually real, and not some illogical thought process that is stemming directly from a ptsd symptom, or a cloud of oppressive depression.
It’s hard. It’s just hard some days. I get tired. I get frustrated, I get angry, I cry. I question everything, I question my life’s worth, I question my worth as a human being, I even guestion the things that bring me peace, wondering if I’m even worth peace.
Those things are the trickery and deception of mental illness. It comes to steal kill and destroy. Destroy families, destroy relationships, friendships, and in worst case it will take your life.
How social media forces me to step away, and the (my) cycle of mental illness.
I’m hyper vigilant…this stems from a home invasion, and domestic violence. But that hyper vigilance seeps into other areas… and compounds symptoms. If I’m going through a cycle of depressive episodes, that hyper vigilance will look for everything that is depressing in my life… logical? Absolutely not, but that’s the cycle some days.
So today’s ramblings are what I’m currently struggling with. I share because I know I’m not alone in struggling with mental health… although I am physically alone, I still want to be open and share, because someone else needs to hear that they are not alone.
You are not alone.
I may not be the best to talk to all the time, but I will listen, and be an ear. Sometimes that’s all a person needs.
So with that, I’m peacin’ out for today.
Thanks for listening. I’m working on a podcast, but it’s new territory for me, so please be patient. Also, please share, like, subscribe if you feel inclined, I would truly appreciate it.
This week we were to write an ekphrastik piece using this image.
I’ll have to admit I needed to look up the word ekphrastik.. I write poetry, but it’s all in a willy nilly form…my brain doesn’t work well around forms, or “ways” to write poetry, and when I’ve tried to sit down and do these things, I get frustrated and lose my joy in writing. But I looked up the word “ekphrastic” and got this definition:
“The word ekphrasis, or ecphrasis, comes from the Greek for the written description of a work of art produced as a rhetorical or literary exercise, often used in the adjectival form ekphrastic. It is a vivid, often dramatic, verbal description of a visual work of art, either real or imagined.” Wikipedia
So…. With that being said…. Here I go… I still may not do it “write”, but I’m trying anyway.
Move Me Poetry Battle submission 10 March 23
‘Oh Crafted Pencil”. “You dig in your sharp, hidden lead as your stead. This reminds me of caught breaths, gritted teeth, leading straight from my bed. Moving around has become painful tread. As I’ve wiggled and waddled from the point of restead, and injured myself, like the shaft impaled in this gently paused thread. Stabbed in the back, I feel like I’m bled, hoping soon will come, a point of rethread. Not paying attention, now I’m chained to the bed, unable to move without pain as my dread.”
Thanks for reading!
✌️
P.S. My poem didn’t fit into the character limit for this weeks battle.. but I published anyway, because it describes the pain I’m going through with a back injury I’ve recently sustained… not sure how, but I can barely move.
Today is a blog, rest and learning day. The past three days have been busy, tiring, painful, and rewarding all at the same time.
PTSD has been rearing its ugly head with my mind wandering off into stupid places, so I’ve had to deal with that.
I totally tore down one crappy cabinet in my jeep and completely built something new. With such a small space the old one was just not working. So I build a mini bench. It’s not pretty, but it’s functional and strong, and that’s all I care about.
One of the things that I rarely struggle with as a symptom of diagnoses, is irritability. I mean, I can get irritable, but I don’t like to be that way, and rarely does it manifest. But the last few days it has, and I’ve worked hard to dispel that. I have for reasons I don’t feel like mentioning, absolutely hate that about me. I hate getting irritated, hate getting angry, and work super hard on stopping it.
I think it’s a childhood thing…probably is. But I do know that when my anger has overcome me, I have a terrible temper, and can get tunnel vision with it. I don’t like that, it serves no purpose. Same with irritability, it serves me no purpose, and I know that I have failed in allowing it to get out of control in my life, so it’s something that I try to manage. I don’t like to be that way around people, or treat them that way, though I know I have failed at that during life.
I punch pillows, do yoga, spend time with nature and animals, and just basically get rid of that negativity.
Today is a blog, rest and learning day. For the last 3 days I’ve been working on my JeepMiniCamper, only posting shorts.
Anyway, today I’m waiting on a part, and there’s really nothing else I can build at this point, in my jeep. The rest will be ad-ons—-the faucet, since, clean and grey water tanks, awnings and window shades. I think I’m either going to build or buy something that I can add on to the back end of my jeep to make a covered area. I’ve seen tents like this one…
This is exactly what I’m going to use.
I’ll have it packed in my gear box, and they actually have it attached to a Grand Cherokee, which is what I have. So this will work perfectly.
For shorter trips, I’m fabricating my own awnings..pvc pipe, heavy duty tarp, guy lines, and poles. I’ll attach it to the roof rack that’s already on my jeep, way cheaper than buying them, and I’ll know how they’re made if something goes wrong. Easy peasy.
HAHA….I’ve found that not everything that I have planned has gone easy peasy. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m learning so much.
Not much else for today. I need to do some editing for my YouTube channel…please subscribe if you can, and follow on my Facebook. I would really appreciate it.
Here’s a video of my girl running around yesterday… it was a gorgeous day and she was kicking up her heels… literally… lol
Happy Monday!
✌️
Shassy
P.S. Don’t forget to subscribe to get notifications when I post.
P.P.S. I’m editing some videos and will blog abou the progress and what I’ve built so far… that’s coming up. I’m new to editing and all of that stuff.
I was in a chat on Reddit about horses, and the OP posted what she feeds her Akhal Teke… super cool horse, you can click the colored/underlined words to get more information… not very many in the world.
Anyway, she shared that she feeds St. Hippolyt feed. I was curious and knew that the OP was from Europe. (In my opinion Europe has exceptional horse husbandry.)
I found a horse feed that I would love to try with my girl… but…
So I got online to see if I could get it.
Alas, I cannot.. so anyone heading to Austria anytime soon? If so could you bring me back some of this feed? 😁
I feed Sadie a warm mash of alfalfa cubes, beet pulp and Purina Senior Active. She does well on it… but I’m always looking for something that is/could be better for her. I’ll follow up with direct links where you can get those products later today.
Here’s a Story 