So, what now. Up all night, tired, cranky, 0 motivation, on a scale of 0-10. 10 being the bestest ever in life. (Yes, I’m being a crybabysissybedwetter…I’ll get over it).

adult alone autumn brick

I’m in the cycle where I’m not sleeping normal… then I’m tired during the day. Random anxiety attacks, and over all not wanting to deal with anything social or human.

So what. I’m sure there’s others out there going through the same thing. It’ll pass.

Plus, I binge eat. It’s something that’s just sort of manifested that last couple of years. I’ve been working really hard to not do that…my labs came back good, except my LDL was 111. Last lab I took, it was 87.

I can’t explain this binge eating, and it’s only with sweet stuff…over the last few weeks, I’ve done ok at not reaching for that unhealthy coping skill, but last night I fell off the wagon and ate chocolate fudge cake mix. Yea, just the mix. Well, mixed with some warm butter and water. That sounds disgusting now as I think about it, and it’s made my sick today, because it’s too much processed food, sugar and all of the things that my body isn’t used to anymore.

So, what now. Up all night, tired, cranky, 0 motivation, on a scale of 0-10. 10 being the bestest ever in life. (Yes, I’m being a crybabysissybedwetter…I’ll get over it).

I’ve got to get this in check. I’ve lost 14 pounds so far, and I don’t want to screw it up by getting back on the sugar shack train. Eating chocolate fudge cake batter is just stupid.

I have a body image issue, body dysmorphia is what it’s called I think. I’ve had it my whole life, but never understood it until a few years ago. I won’t go into the details, but you can read about it here.

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I feel guilty..which is an important note. Back in the day when I would drink a lot to cope, a lot of times because of the situation, the next day I would wake up and feel like I had committed the seven deadly sins. I felt so much guilt for how I acted while under the influence. The stupid things I did, the times that only the good Lord above saved me, when I should have been taking a dirt nap.

The guilt is a symptom of another symptom. Addiction. I’m an addict. If I’m not careful, my go-to “drug of choice”, can and does change. Recently it’s been sweets and sugar. I’ve just transferred my addiction…to something else. I’m not drinking, abusing medication, doing illegal drugs…but I am acting like an addict.

Maybe one or two bites of the cake batter would have been fine…but my brain goes haywire and I over do it, and binge. The next day I feel like shit, and guilty, as the spiral starts.

This is what happens when I don’t keep an eye on my mental health. I mean I’m trying to do “the things”, and stay active, but addiction is a sneaky little bastard, and sometimes I fail.

I don’t know right now if there was a trigger, or if it’s the moon cycle, or if I’m just going through it again. What I do know is that my body CAN NOT handle the binge. I know this.

Jamaican Blue Mountain “The Java of Kings”
Up all night
Photo by Martin de Arriba on

This is my favorite coffee, btw.

Ok, so I had to add in my favorite coffee as of right now. I can’t believe how great it is. There’s a video of me somewhere doing an unboxing…I’ll try to find it to add to this post. Not that that will make you want to buy some, but you should. It’s roasted in America, shipped and packaged by a small company, and I just love it.

Want some kopi luwak? For real? Click here.

So, I’m doing what my shrink told me to, write about how I’m feeling and learn to be vulnerable. This is difficult sometimes. I don’t want to admit that I still struggle with addiction. But I do. Time to reset and forgive myself. I am worth it. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Thanks for coming to my ramblings.



This is really good coffee, I’m thinking to date, my #1 favorite coffee.

This is really good coffee, I’m thinking to date, my #1 favorite coffee.

A few months ago Out Of The Grey Coffee sent me some coffee samples for me to try out, along with some chocolate covered coffee beans… yes, delicious….


I can say that the Jamaican Blue is the best coffee I have ever had. I LOVE it. It’s smooth and sweet, not overpowering, not bitter. I do add frothed milk and raw sugar to it, but I taste tested it before I added all my stuff.

So if you want to try some American Roasted coffee, give them a look. You can click any of the underlined words or pictures to get to their website.

Here’s my video of me unboxing the delicious goodness.

There really is a difference in coffee. I used to think, coffee is coffee, but after this my mind has changed. Not all of those little beans are the same.

I was doing some research (imagine that) on coffee, and found a coffee bean that comes out of the butt of a monkey type animal. I had seen something about it on a movie or something, but thought…”naaaaa”. But sure as shit.. see what I did there… there’s an expensive coffee bean that is processed after it comes out of the little critters butthole. It’s called kopi luwak. It eats the fruit, because the bean is actually a seed from a fruit, and it’s body digests everything but the seed (bean), and then he poops it right out. Someone then has the lovely job of collecting the poo, and then they roast the beans, and send them off to coffee poo fans. It’s really expensive too.

So there you go, a tidbit of information you probably didn’t want for today. 😂


Really good coffee
Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on

Coffee beans, really good coffee, kopi luwak

Scan this code for all my contacts 30 Nov 22

Scan this code for all my contacts. 30 Nov 22
Scan this code
Scan code donation links camper/van fundraiser

This is my centralized location for everything. It’s all here in one place.

You can scan this into your phone, and it will take you right there.

Please considering donating to camper/van fund. All donations are tax deductible and I will have an accountability person, all funds will be open for inspection. Complete transparency where your donations will go.

Just a quick note. My mental health cycles, and I have to take time out some days to cope.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, peace and blessings.

✌️ Shassy

NaNoWriMo 50k Words during November

NaNoWriMo 50k words during November

NaNoWriMo writing poetry
NaNoWriMo poetry writing 50k words

During the month of November, I am participating in a writing challenge through the non profit called NaNoWriMo. (See link for more info).

This is a challenge where you can network with other writers, the general public, or completely keep your writing private. It runs until the end of November, and the challenge is to write at least 50,000 words. That’s 50k.

I’m at a little over 10k right now.

If you divide it up, it’s writing approximately 2000 words a day. That’s easy to do if you can get in your zone.

Let me know what you think. 😊

If you don’t see much of me on here, that’s why. I’m in my mojo and writing, though I will try to check in and share my progress.



You can click here for all of my sites and info. 😊

Who are you?

text cutouts on a dotted background

Who are you?

Good afternoon people of the interwebs.

I have shared in my previous posts that I started an online business at the beginning of 2022.

What a ride it has been. I have learned so much about digital marketing, social media marketing, making content, and I continue to learn new things everyday!

I made a video and posted it to Facebook reels, showcasing a flashlight that I own, and shared a link for others to purchase. (It’s a great flashlight, I’ll include the video here)…

Anyway, my reel has gotten over 40,000 views. Crazy right?

But I’m missing something. I missing YOU.

So this post is just to ask for you to subscribe to my blog, and socials. I’ve included my mail poet subscription form below. Thank you for your support. It really does mean everything to me as I build this business and get myself out of poverty. You can search my archives for more personal posts, and why I decided to do this. Also here’s my facebook page.

Here’s my professional services Facebook page link.

You can also check out my Instagram here, I have paid partnerships with companies there as well.

Who are you?

Jamaican Blue Review delicious

shallow focus photo of coffee beans

Jamaican Blue Review

Yummmooo… I did the review of the Out Of The Grey Coffee, Jamaican Blue this morning, and it was DELISH.

Super smooth and not an inch of bitterness to this roast. I’m loving it. I have one more flavor to try out.

I haven’t decided which of the two I like the best, the Guatemalan SHB was super tasty, but now that I’ve tried this Jamaican Blue… I’m verklempt.

I have to be careful to not drink toooo much coffee, because I’ll end up climbing the walls…I’m already a high strung sometimes. I really want to though. 😁

If you want to try one of Out Of The Grey’s coffee, you can get there by clicking any of the highlighted or underlined words here.

I would bet a Benjamin that you will NOT be disappointed.


Jamaican blue
Photo by Chevanon Photography on

Out Of The Grey coffee 1st review. Guatemalan SHB. Delicious

steaming cup of coffee with coffee beans

Out of the Grey coffee review. Guatemalan SHB

Out of the Grey coffee review. Guatemalan SHB

Out of the Grey coffee company reached out and sent me some bags of coffee and tea for me to review. I got the box and when I opened it, it smelled SOOOOO good. (If you like coffee, you know that wonderful aroma.)

The bag of whole beans that I am trying this morning is their Guatemalan SHB. The bag says that it’s “deeply sweet, intricately rich, jasmine, date, pistachio, blood orange zest & coconut flavors with a sweetly tart acidity and satiny mouthfeel.”

It’s steeping now in my french press. I can’t wait.

I’ll be right back.

(There will be a video of me doing the deed.)

I want to note as well, that all the bags I received were roasted 4 days ago, on the 31st of August, 2022. They shipped it to me from Virginia, and I also got chocolate covered expresso beans. Nothing was melted… in case anyone was wondering.

Wonderful. I tasted it before I added all of my stuff… (sugar and dairy free creamer, made from coconut milK and oat milk). It has a smooth feel, with a hint of nuts and and overtone of flowers. That’s what I tasted. It is very tasty.

Don’t take my word for it, get some and try it out yourself.

Happy Saturday


Great coffee incredible customer service

Jamaican blue mountain coffee

Of the grey cafe

Out of the grey coffee coupon

Out of the grey coffee
Photo by Igor Haritanovich on