I love the different expressions on our cats faces. All 16 of them. Love and Loss

I love the different expressions on our cats faces.

Every morning I am greeted with sweet meows, funny cat running, and the ones that walk right in front of me and then fall down all dramatically. I must always watch where I walk, because there are a couple that I swear are trying to trip me, so they can laugh while I’m on the ground.

I may be the crazy cat lady right now, but I’m ok with that. I’ve raised all but four of the cats you see in the video following. It’s also heartbreaking sometimes.

I keep a spreadsheet of them all because I administer all of their shots, and flea/tick treatment. But some days it’s sad because I go in to do my treatments, and update the chart, and I see so many that aren’t with us for now.

Let me explain why, in a real world visual.

I love the different expressions on our cats faces. All 16 of them. Love and Loss

I don’t “own” the cats, I feed, and take care of them and the property where they are located. They have heated houses, a barn, and a heated garage they go into. I have a couple of very bonded females (Bubbles and Millie), and they will sleep together in one of the houses.

One year I came out to work, and was setting up the mower, after I had fed everyone, and a young adolescent named Starsky wasn’t greeting me. He was about 6 months old. But I had bonded with that cat like we had known each other in another life time. I was able to teach him to give me a high five on command, along with a few other tricks, very early on in his first few months of birth. He was very in tune with me and we were just an item. (Though I love them all).

Shortly after that, we started having quite a bit of predation from bobcats. And I think Starsky went by that way. I drove around 180 acres and searched in the woods, calling and crying for him all day.

I was heartbroken for what seemed like forever and ever. I shut down a little, and all my other cats started to notice, and they tried their best in cat meows, and loves, that they understood my pain.

I talk about loss because it’s inevitable. These are “barn cats”, but not your average barn cats. Some may ask, “but why can’t you keep them from dying?” The answer is simple, we vet them, get them shots, wormer, have warm places to sleep, but they are allowed to discover their own lives and create a little “pack” of their own. They are happy being “free”. But with freedom, comes nature. Luckily it stopped shortly after and I have been so thankful.

We keep one female open, and it’s very interesting how Tomcats arrive from nowhere, in the middle of nowhere when she comes in season. Last years Tom, bless his heart, was the most feral cat I have ever seen. I watched him catch a full grown rabbit one morning and eat the whole thing.

He started to come around more often, and I was feeding him, and he was becoming more calm. He wouldn’t let me get very close, but wouldn’t run off anymore. As I watched his progression, I realized he was very old, and had many battle scars.

One morning I went out to feed everyone and he was laying on our back patio furniture, which was very uncommon for him. As I looked closer I realized he was coming to his end of life. He felt safe enough to come here with all of our others, and die. I fed him what he would eat, but I found him gone, and buried him.

Why didn’t I take him to the vet? Because he had been wild his ENTIRE life. To cause him stress in his final days, by live trapping him, taking him into a vets office where he would be terrified, and then subsequently having him euthanized in what would have been a scary and unfamiliar place for him, seemed barbaric. Why take a wild animal out of his comfort zone, just so it could make his final days miserable? No, I won’t. So I talked soothingly to him, when I could walk by, offered food, but in the end he refused. And then the mighty Tom, was gone.

I think I did him right. I didn’t try to changed his life, stress him out, only show love and give food and water.

He is buried under a tree by the pond.

I tell this story about Tom because I feel that sometimes, like in his case, when an animal is completely feral, and decided to trust you (me in this case), to come closer during his end days,I should give him the respect to pass out of this life the way he wanted. He didn’t want me to mess with him, he just wanted a soft place to land for his final breath. I feel like I gave that to him. He passed on his genetics, which are VERY strong, to three of his kittens that we have. They will be a year in May. Three very different personalities, and three cats ingrained with a strong sense of survival.

Cats also don’t meow to other cats. They only meow to people. Their vocalizations between themselves don’t include the “People Meow”…..it’s a varying differences of noises, growls, hisses and face slaps. There are some days during the moon cycle where I feel like I’m a ref at a UFC fight sometimes. You can believe they get scolded for that, because they know EXACTLY what I’m saying. 😁

Anyway, here’s the video. Enjoy the many faces of our cats.

This was Starsky 
Expressions
Starsky

Someone asked me what I do in my small town for socialization. My response: nothing, it causes me anxiety.

Someone asked me what I do in my small town for socialization…

I told them nothing, it causes me anxiety.

My biggest, newest tool I’ve added to my toolbox is staying in my #jeepminicamper out in nature. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m getting there. It’s working the best thus far.

I do still use my other coping skills… 4-7-8 breathing, snapping a rubber band, safe place, finding five things in my present that I can either see, feel, hear that helps ground me when I’m in full out flashback or panic attack mode.

I don’t always know when symptoms are going to happen. I can’t always identify the triggers.

In worst case scenario, my therapist and I have a set protocol that I follow.

Someone asked me what I do in my small town for socialization. My response: nothing, it causes me anxiety.

I do all my coping skills, and if that doesn’t work, I call crisis, and if that doesn’t work, I check myself into the hospital. That has happened five times.

But I started this conversion of my jeep, and it’s helped to focus on a task, and it allows me to do what is the most functional for treating symptoms, at this moment. The thing that I’ve learned that is most important for me, is to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and sometimes on second at a time.

Someone asked me what I do for socialization
Portable mini wood cook stove

I still have a few more things to do to finish, but I’m getting there. Like purchase this mini wood stove… love it.

Here’s a quick video of a work day… can’t get any better.

My goal with building this is to also be able to share the process, and help others. I plan to be on the road for trips later this summer. Still have a few more things to add… but I’ll get there.

This has been such a learning experience. I had no idea what I was doing when I started considering this. But I watched a lot of videos, asked a lot of questions, and have made a lot of mistakes.

As I’ve been staying in it, I tweak this or that. I still have to make the window coverings, but until then the huge amount of heat was just escaping through the windows…so, I just hung up some small throw blankets, and it’s made a huge difference. Right now I am close to electricity, until I get everything finished. I have put a little heater in the vehicle because it’s got down to the 20’s and 30’s at night. I have a good sleeping bag and Zoey has her bed, and we snuggle up under the sleeping bag and stay warm. I actually think that my sleep has been better. I’m still working on the bed….I put down some memory foam (full sized folded three times), and that has made a huge difference. I’ll keep working on it until it’s just the way I want it, but right now it’s perfect.

So this is the reason…I’m not 28 anymore, I’m not using alcohol or other unhealthy coping skills, I’m developing more coping skills, that are bringing me peace.

Life is weird, and I believe everything happens for a reason. Whatever the reason, it is time for me to do this, and other than making my back sore now and then, it’s working.

Don’t be afraid to try new things…You may surprise yourself.

✌️

Shassy

If you’d like to learn how to start a full time online business, or even a side hustle, you can click here… just look for any colored words and navigate from there. It even comes with a money back guarantee. I’ve made money from these proven strategies. All you need is to be able to commit to put in the effort. It works!

What I’ve learned so far by turning my old Jeep into a mini camper. Highs, lows and the #1 reason I would do it all over again.

What I’ve learned. I’ve been converting my 1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee into a mini camper.

I took out all the seats, except for the drivers… obviously… lol… built wooden platforms to create a level working space. I built an elevated bed platform and created storage by using the space underneath. I built three cabinets for the inside, one of which I ended up taking all apart, sawing in two, and starting all over again… it wasn’t working out like I thought.

It’s been a journey for sure. I started out not having a clue what I was doing, but knowing what I wanted in the end… which is not here yet. But I’m getting closer.

I knew I wanted to be able to have power. So I researched and bought a solar generator and a solar panel…note.. pay attention to what kind of panel you are buying, I bought a polycrystalline panel, but monocrystaline is said to convert a little better. All I’ll say is that yesterday, it was completely cloud covered, and my panel still charged my generator. So 🤷🏻‍♀️…you can choose what you want.

Anyway, it’s been a journey of discovery, and me learning more patience. I’ve had to learn how to do everything. My cabinets will not win any awards, but they will serve their function. Will I make changes later? Probably, as I learn and move along. But right now it’s working for what I intended.

So what was that intention? To help my mental status. To help with PTSD, MDD, BPD symptoms. I struggle so much that I decided to add another tool to my toolbox.

What I’ve learned so far by turning my old Jeep into a mini camper. Highs, lows and the #1 reason I would do it all over again.

It has been amazing. I feel so much better sitting here in this little mobile home that I’ve created. I feel like I have the freedom to just pull over and stop anywhere if I want… but mainly it’s to be out in nature and with the animals. Even if it’s where I keep my horse…currently I’m parked right next to her paddock, and got morning nickers…I can’t tell you how that fills my heart and helps me. (Though I will say she probably had an alternative motive…wanting me to let her out to run around…but it rained last night, and I don’t want her to leave hoof marks in the main yard… and I can guarantee she would.)

I haven’t finished the #jeepminicamper. I still need to get the sink, faucet and fresh water installed. Build awnings, and maybe add a tent that attaches to the back end… not sure about that one yet, but we’ll see.

Thus far it’s serving its purpose…helping me mentally. I can park it anywhere right now and have a warm place to sleep, and hang out, without seeing another human being, if that’s what I want.

Search Camping Equipment

For the longest time I’ve underestimated myself. Didn’t think I could do something because I wasn’t “trained”, or because I would succumb to other peoples comments like “why would you do that? You have a house and a bed.. why would you want to go sleep in a car?”

Well, I don’t care what people think or say about what I’m doing. The number one reason?➡️My mental state is better for it. If I’m having a rough day… I can go out in the middle of the pasture, or park next to my horse, spend time with her/fresh air and my mind finds peace.

To all the naysayers…go on and keep doing you boo… and I’ll do me. To each his own, and have the day you deserve. Bless your heart.

✌️

Shassy

Professional Outdoor Gear – Free Shipping on US Orders over $50

The last 2 days have been “work myself into exhaustion”. PTSD, MDD were kicking my butt.

THE LAST 2 DAYS HAVE BEEN A “WORK MYSELF INTO EXHAUSTION” EVENT. PTSD, MDD were kicking my butt.

The last 2 days have been a bit rough on the mental health side of my life. I started struggling on Saturday because it was my brothers birthday and I don’t know where or if he even “is”. He’s been gone for 12 years.

Major Depressive Disorder is described as having feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, and morbid thoughts, just to name a few. As described HERE via Mayo Clinic.

(click on any underlined word to get more details and descriptions.)

The mental health diagnoses that I have cycle. I’ll be good for a few days, then it’s like the dark cloud of doom arrives. I cry for no reason, feel like I have failed my family and friends, feel guilty for things that I haven’t done wrong, feel like I’m ugly, like my body is too fat, or that I walk funny. I understand where these feelings come from, logically, but I can’t stop them from happening.

So I cope. If the weather is nice I go outside. I go outside as much as possible to get out in nature and away from people and town anyway. These last few days, the weather has been nice and I poured myself into my Jeep mini camper project. I worked on hanging a new cattle panel gate that needed some adjustments. I got the tractor out and pulled up unnecessary t-posts to ready for new electric fence line. I moved a round bale in preparation for when Sadie finishes the current one.

I bashed my hand when the ratchet slipped off of a bolt… THAT hurt like a little whiney bitch…had to do some breathing to get through that. Whacked my ankle with the end of a log chain that I was using to pull up t-posts… that one hurt too. I’m a clutz sometimes.

The physical pain of those things oddly allows me to direct my emotional pain into something that I can deal with. I don’t hurt myself on purpose, but when I do, it’s like there’s something tangible for me to work through. A few years ago, I had picked up an unhealthy coping skill of intentionally hurting myself. I know, that’s not good, and I was able to work through that with my therapist and I do not do that anymore.

Working myself into a dither is a thing I do sometimes to get emotions out. It’s probably not the healthiest, but I am in fairly good shape for my age, so it doesn’t “hurt” me, and allows my mind to shut the fuck up, and my body to expend energy, and I get shit done.

The joy from these past few days? When I’m out at the ranch working on things, I let Sadie out for her walkabout. She’s got 180 acres she can run around on. I sometimes just sit and watch her, and she’s always watching me and what I’m doing. When she’s feeling her oats, she’ll take off and just run…. I love to watch her do that with her mane and tail flying in the air. One of these times I’ll get it on video, but most of the time I just smile and it fills my heart with joy.

Also all of our cats at the ranch… they are like little dogs, following me around, hanging out in my jeep when I’m working on it. That brings me joy as well. The birds singing, the crow I’ve befriended caw-cawing at me to bring him or her a snack. The other night I had my jeep set up enough for me to stay in it, and I opened the back hatch, watched the sunset with no interference from buildings, and after the sun went down, heard the coyotes singing the song of their people.

Even though I’m physically exhausted, I feel somewhat emotionally calmer. Or not as depressed and not having as many morbid thoughts, like I’d be better off not on this planet.

My therapist and I have worked out coping skills for when this happens, and these are a couple of them. In almost 8 years of therapy with the same trauma therapist, I know now that I will never be able to eliminate these mental health issues. (Ptsd, cptsd, mdd, bpd, gad, and tbi from head trauma). So we’ve set up a list of ways I can cope, with protocol when things get really bad and all of the tools in my toolbox aren’t working. I have crisis on speed dial.

And that is ok.

Accepting myself the way I am now, is something that I am still working on, but getting better. It does get frustrating to know that this is just the way I am, and that I will have to always have these cycles of ups and downs, morbid thoughts, anxiety, flashbacks, etc.

It just gets tiring sometimes. Some days I’m so tired of fighting it. So so tired.

But I’ve been given another day on this planet. So I’m accepting it with a grateful heart, and taking it one hour, one minute at a time.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Lol

✌️

Shassy

If you or someone you know is struggling with crisis, or suicide, please text 988 for immediate help. 988

If you would like to help, please check out these products. There are many colors and styles to choose from.

The last 2 days
Check out the many different styles that you can get with this slogan. This project helps me survive and suppleness my disability. Thank you for looking.

Keywords: suicide, 988, mental health, get help, struggling, exhaustion, coping skills, self harm

Now I lay

Now I lay

“Under the night sky, the wind is chill. I’ve turned this jalopy and bent her to my will. But she holds me safely, with not a budge to her name. Even though I’ve stripped her all the same. She’ll never complain, and basks with delight. For the adventures await, and she shows no fright. Old as she be, there’s not a hitch in her step, onward and upward she says, I will not be kept!!” ©️shassyswalkabout.com

A little diddy I wrote for my Daenerys. My old Jeep that I have halfway finfished turning into a mini camper… I’ve got all the seats out, a platform build for the bed, recycled a junk desk from Walmart and a spot for the Zoester. It’s enough for us to sleep out under the stars. Though it’s freezing outside at the moment… 🤣

Oh… and I’m not a carpenter… my wood work is ragtag, but it works! I’ll fix and decorate more after I get finished. Nothing has given way yet! Haha… I’ll take a video tomorrow to share.

But right now I’ve got power, and warmth, and my girls (Sadie standing by as well). Simba will come too after I get his area situated.

Also… that little solar generator? It’s still going. Five days now. I haven’t been using it non stop, just when I need my small electronics charged. I’m impressed thus far!

https://shassyswalkabout.wordpress.com/quick-solar-generator-update-1/

✌️

Shassy

https://linktr.ee./hrsygirl

Quick solar generator update, #1

Quick solar generator update, #1

This far this little bundle of energy is exceeding my expectations. I’m going to camp out and use it all night, and see how it goes.

Pretty happy with it so far. Like I mentioned before, it’s not fancy, but has everything that I need for power.

I always try to do as much research on things like this before I purchase anything. This is not a name brand, but does all that is needed for power. I’m not running anything with higher wattage, as it is a 300w generator. But anything under that, will work.

This is the one I’m using. Made by Ctechi.

More later!

✌️

Shassy

generator update
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Keywords: solar generator, solar power, Ctechi, offgrid

Solar Generator has arrived

Solar Generator has arrived

Find all of these things via my Linktree, click here. 😊

I’m on a tight budget, but I knew I could find an entry level solar powered generator that would work for what I needed. I also didn’t feel like I needed to go with a “name brand” because as I was researching, I could get the same components, for less money, with an off brand. It’s just like anything else, you pay more for a name brand, and it’s not always necessary.

So this is a 300 watt, pass through (means you can charge while the generator is charging) unit. It has two QC 3.0 charging ports (the bigger end of a usb cord), one usb c port, two plug in ports, and a 12v port (like a cig lighter). It also has a little led light. There’s nothing fancy about this, but it has all of what I need, at a very reasonable price…close to 300 less than the name brands. I might even buy another one to run a 12v fridge/freezer.

Solar Generator

Anyway. I’m using it as my only source of power today for my phone and laptop. My laptop (ipad air) is plugged into one of the plugin ports, and the keyboard is plugged into the usb c port. I’ll follow up with how it did later.

✌️

Shassy

Solar Generator, off grid, go outside, Jeep Mini Camper

My #Newpowa solar panel arrived!

My Girl Zoey

My #Neepowa solar panel arrived!

Quick unboxing. This little gem will power my Jeep mini camper.

I’ve camped a lot, but never built custom cabinets for an suv. 😳.

Will share the rest of my power system when it gets here.

✌️Shassy

Click here to check out these solar panels. Just look for “Newpowa Solar”

I’m turning my Jeep into a mini camper

woman in the back of a van looking at mountains

I’m turning my Jeep into a mini camper

I like to get out and away from civilization. I feel so much better mentally when I can spend time in nature. But being on a fixed income, I just can’t go out and buy a $50,000 (that’s on the less expensive side) camper.

So I decided to do some research and make my suv into a mini camper. I’m going to be building it out slow, but the first thing I wanted to do was get my power situation taken care of. I don’t want to use any of my vehicles power, to run anything other than the vehicle. It’s an old Jeep, and has a lot of miles, so I need her power system to be dedicated to just her. Her name is Daenerys btw. 😁

I could get a solar panel, controller, inverter, and battery. I was going to do that initially, but with limited space (I have a Grand Cherokee), I opted to go with just a solar panel and a solar generator. Small, nothing huge, just enough to make it possible for me to stay warm, charge my electronics, and heat food.

These are what I chose: Generator is a Ctechi portable 300w LiFePO4 299w. It has enough power to do what I need. (I also have some other small solar power stations, but this will be the main one.) Right now it has a $55 off coupon on Amazon. I’ve looked A LOT of solar generators, and it’s the same as anything…they make good ones, that you can get for less money, that don’t have a name brand. If it fails, I’ll learn, but that’s the point of all of this. This has great reviews, and I depend a lot on that. I don’t need any fancy bells or whistles, I just need it to work. I like the LiFePO4 as it has a longer lifespan. We’ll see! I’ll be posting updates as time moves forward. My first camping “trip” will be close to home, where I keep my horse, and it’s almost February, so I’ll for sure be testing how warm I stay. I’ll cover the windows with homemade thing-a-ma-jigs, but I’ll post those later as well.

The solar panel I chose was a basic polycrystalline 12v panel by Newpowa. The generator already has an inverter built in. My main concern was space, and I don’t have much of it. I’m not going to be running a water pump, or any lights, as I have that taken care of, so I really just need these to be able to power a small heater (150w), which won’t be run a lot, or for long periods of time, a food heater, (I’ll link the one I’m using as well) and electronics. This should be enough.

I’ll need a longer cord from the panel to the generator as well.

The food prep that I’ll use is this…I’ve seen videos of other van lifers/campers/truckers using this and it has a ton of good reviews.

The rest of my build will be a composting toilet, (really easy to build and won’t stink if done the right way), small sink/ cooking area, with a grey water tank and filtered water tank, supplied by a foot pump. On the other side will be another small cabinet for food storage, clothes, whatever I need it for.

I am going to move my spare tire from the floor storage area, and put it on the top of the Jeep. I’ll use that area for more storage of tools, food, misc…whatever.

This is totally new to me, I’ve never built anything out by myself so it will be a learning experience. I will share everything as I go, with all the mistakes I’m sure I’ll make, and all the things that work.

Wish me luck! Lol… I’ll need it.

✌️Shassy

Mini camper
Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

Scan this code for all my contacts 30 Nov 22

Scan this code for all my contacts. 30 Nov 22
Scan this code
Scan code donation links camper/van fundraiser

This is my centralized location for everything. It’s all here in one place.

You can scan this into your phone, and it will take you right there.

Please considering donating to camper/van fund. All donations are tax deductible and I will have an accountability person, all funds will be open for inspection. Complete transparency where your donations will go.

Just a quick note. My mental health cycles, and I have to take time out some days to cope.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, peace and blessings.

✌️ Shassy