Today, this morning has been wow, just wow. I have so many things running through my mind today…emotional overload…
In thinking about “stuff”, I wonder about fear. How far fear can affect an entire life cycle. Do we stop doing things because we are afraid, or do we forge ahead, face fear and plow right into it. When does it become healthy or unhealthy to stop doing something because of fear. Or is it really fear that’s causing us to not continue ahead with our course.
I’ve heard a lot of different opinions about things lately. Not feeling like someone is ready to do something different. Leaning on current circumstances and saying that there is work to be done before this or before that can happen. Each persons journey is different, I’ve said that before, and I firmly believe it. And it is not my job to judge that journey, but to try to support it if I can and stay healthy…
But when is it ok to not do something? Yea, that’s vague, but there are so many of those “somethings” and so many variables to doing those “somethings”. God helps those who help themselves…I’m a firm believer in that. So how could it be wrong, to choose to do something new, different and scary…if it is good? How could good be wrong? I believe that if I choose to do something–good–and I pray for God to guide me and help me along the way, that he will bless me with the desires of my heart. I have seen it done in my own life before. So what is wrong with that? What is wrong with doing something that is outside my comfort zone, if my motivations are true, and I’m not hurting anyone else…couldn’t that be an opportunity for more doors to be opened and more blessings to flow? I am a caretaker by nature, so being able to share and care is something I enjoy and makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. Taking a step out of my comfort zone to share and be vulnerable was a HUGE step for me. I got knocked down though, and hurt. So, my choice and thought process today is, what am I going to do about it. Am I going to allow fear to stop me from continuing to love? No…I can’t. It’s just not in me. I hate myself when I allow hurt to turn into anger, and I lash out. (To the person who was on the receiving end of that anger, I am sorry for doing that, you know who you are.) I just simply cannot give up. Sometimes love has to be shown in a different way. Not sure how effective it’s going to be, but it’s all I know at this point. Leading with love helps heal me…anger, fear, regrets, pushing away, that does nothing for me but make me feel like shit. Even with the heartache I feel right now, the feeling of losing my best friend, the feeling of emptiness, the feeling of lost companionship and camaraderie, the feeling of closeness and intimacy…all those feelings I feel like have been yanked out of my soul…I simply cannot do anything but continue to try to love. How one simple feeling can fill all those voids is amazing to me.
God was a smart cookie when he invented Love…
Shannon, you really have the gift of writing. I know it is still difficult for you now and the future but you can do it. I know you can. You are such a beautiful person. One of the nicest and sweetest person I have meet in my life. I miss taking to you.
It is sad how people use children more as property rather than what their needs are. I am dealing with that problem right now with a grandson.
I miss talking to you too!!! We should get together sometime…and thank you, it makes me feel good to know that I have support…that’s what getting me through.. love and hugs kansamuse!!!