Post Acute Withdrawal

Post Acute Withdrawal

Post Acute Withdrawl. (PAW)

Exerpted from “Staying Sober” by : Terence T. Gorski

“When most people think about alcoholism or drug addiction, they think only of the alcohol/drug-based symptoms and forget about the sobriety-based symptoms.  Yet it is the sobriety based symptoms, especially post acute withdrawal, that make sobriety so difficult.  The presence of brain dysfunction has been documented in 75-95% of the recovering alcoholics/addicts tested.  Recent research indicates that the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal associated with alcohol/drug related damage to the brain may contribute to many cases of relapse.

Post acute withdrawal is a group of symptoms of addictive disease that occur as a result of abstinence from addictive chemicals. In the alcoholic/addict these symptoms appear seven to fourteen days into abstinence, after stabilization from the acute withdrawal.

Post acute withdrawal is a bio-psycho-social syndrome   It results from the combination of damage to the nervous system caused by alcohol or drugs and the psychosocial stress of coping with life without drugs or alcohol.

Recovery causes a great deal of stress.  Many chemically dependent people never learn to manage stress without alcohol and drug use.  The stress aggravates the brain dysfunction and makes the symptoms worse.  The severity of PAW depends upon two things:  the severity of the brain dysfunction caused by the addiction and the amount of psychosocial stress experienced in recovery.

The symptoms of PAW typically grow to peak intensity over three to six months after abstinence begins.  The damage is usually reversible, meaning the major symptoms go away in time if proper treatment is received.  With proper treatment and effective sober living, it is possible to learn to live normally in spite of the impairments.  But the adjustment does not occur rapidly.  Recovery from the nervous system damage usually required from six to 24 months with the assistance of a healthy recovery program.  Recent research is showing that for some recovering people the symptoms of PAW often occur at regular “moon cycle” interval and without apparent outside stressors.  Often those 30, 60, 90, 120, 180, and 1 and 2 year sobriety dates seem to be “triggering” times for PAW symptoms to increase.  People recovering from long term opiate and stimulant use often have PAW symptoms for no apparent reason for up to 10 years after they have stopped using their drug of choice.  Often PAW symptoms appear to come and go without apparent reason and without any specific pattern.  Individuals who intend to have consistent long-term recovery must learn to recognize these symptoms and learn how to manage them.

Symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal

The most identifiable characteristic is the inability to solve usually simple problems.  There are six major types of PAW symptoms that contribute to this.  They are the inability to think clearly, memory problems, emotional overreactions and numbness, sleep disturbances, physical coordination problems, and general problems managing stress.  The inability to solve usually simple problems because of any or all of these symptoms leads to diminished self esteem.  A person often feels incompetent, embarrassed, and “not okay” about themselves.  Diminished self esteem and the fear of failure interfere with productive and challenging living…”

I had studied all of this before, but as I read this, I realize that I need to keep focused.  I have experienced some of these symptoms, and luckily I have not relapsed.  It was very hard. I will better be able to handle recovery, if I understand what is happening.

Although, there have been times where I have fallen, face first, right off the wagon. It’s like the sticker stuck in your sock, that pokes your ankle but you can’t quite seem to find it. It’s always there. The thought of the sweet escape from whatever pain I’m feeling, is always there. Always. Dopamine is a powerful drug. Don’t ever think it’s your friend when you decide to reach for that unhealthy coping skill, because that skill could kill you. Trust me on that one. I’ve overdosed and only by the grace of God I am here to talk about it. Maybe one day I’ll write a post about it, but right now, I’m not ready.

depth photography of blue and white medication pill
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✌️Shassy

American Mustang Vivre la vie

American Mustang Vivre la vie

Soft breath

Flutter on my face

A warmth

Fleeting.

Wind whips by

Leaving me with your scent

Woodsy, sweet and earthy.

You’re gone

But just for a moment

I see you up on high,

So proud and strong.

I hear your voice

Reassuring me that you’re still around.

Then gone again, to be free

To be loved

To love

As it should be,

Always free.

Poetry, writing©️shassyswalkabout.com

Dedicated to the remaining wild and free mustangs, and those that are trying so very hard to let them stay that way, and out of the slaughter pipeline, where they are inhumanly, and brutally, painfully, killed.

Pass the Safe Act.

https://aldf.org/project/the-save-americas-forgotten-equines-act-safe-act-federal/

Suicide Prevention

gray scale photo of man covering face with his hands
Suicide prevention

I recently became aware of someone that I know, who has been struggling with addiction and mental health issues. This is close to my heart.

I have struggled my entire life with depression and suicidal thoughts. (Since the age of 9). This is close to my heart, because I have made it through the rough parts. But not without work and many failings and falling down.

When I found out about this person, I wrote a poem for him. He is no longer with us, and I wish I had paid closer attention, because I KNEW there was something going on behind the scenes. I saw it in his eyes. Lesson learned, I’m going to ask, friend, or foe, if I see something. If they reject, then Ok, but at least I tried.

Below is the link to the poem I wrote. I have a couple of sites, and try to publish poetry, writing etc, on two major sources, here and Medium.

Rest In Peace.

Please click the picture to read the poem. It’s a safe link, I will never post a link that is unsafe.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, call someone for help, or text 988.

https://www.nami.org/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/FCC-Designates-988-as-a-Nationwide-Mental-Health-Crisis-and-Suicide-Prevention-Number

suicide prevention
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Keywords: suicide prevention, suicide prevention, national suicide prevention lifeline, about suicide prevention, suicide prevention program,

Ghosts

Ghosts

Cold ghosts from the grave

Clawing up with rose colored glass

Only to slither under skin

Feeling warm, then reminds of sin

Come at me, defiant one

Trick me with your violent pun

For I will always see

The truth in you

Blackened

Fetching

Luring

The prince you think you are

Not true

For you

Are nothing; death destroying

Disguised as diamonds

Under rotting flesh

Stealing from others

Incapable of feeling

Light shines through your guise

For in reality you are far from wise

So try as you may, to sway and disguise

Truth will prevail

It will be you who dies.

©️shassyswalkabout.com

Ghosts from the past

Flashback

Flashback

Obtrusive words

You bring to me

After a speck of guilt filled kindness sent

Though they weren’t,

They were

Only wanting

Always needing

I push down feelings of betrayal

Once again

You kill me with your presence

Without even being here

Your effervescent light is just trickery

Armor on

Tears repressed

I must realize the facade

Step back

Retract

Breathe deep and weep.

Flashback

©️shassyswalkabout.com

There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

Our society has conditioned our ever present brains to accept what is put in front of our faces, usually via an electronic device or screen. We post a smiling face, nice house, fancy car, when in reality a lot of our lives are filled with pain, dysfunction and calamity.

Suicide thoughts run rampant among those of us who have had to deal with a lifetime of trauma. Or any trauma. Whether it’s from combat, familial abuse, spousal abuse, or abuse from a stranger. Anything traumatic, that makes a person question their safety, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, mental or physical,WILL CHANGE YOU.

I don’t care what you say. It changes a person. Someone who has experience trauma, will not come out on the other side the same, and a lot of times, they don’t even recognize what’s happening, and have no idea how to deal with it. (Me).

This has been me for the majority of my life. Not knowing what’s wrong, wanting to “fix” it, not understanding why I made horrible choices and decisions, and stumbling through, hiding my pain and ignoring my own emotional well being, thinking that crying, or showing emotion, was considered a weakness.

This year has been a really good year of understanding, self discovery, setting boundaries, forgiveness, mixed in with a range of emotions including extreme anger, heartbreak and acceptance. It’s not a done deal, as life is about change, and since we (me, you) are still here, then the progression will continue.

How much should a person share? Where’s the boundaries? When does it become too much? Or not enough? A lot of people really don’t care when they ask “How ya doin’?” It’s a knee jerk reaction, and honestly, we as humans need to watch our words. I STILL have a hard time with that… thinking that everyone means what they say. They don’t. They are full of shit.

Not every person is an asshole, not every person INTENDS to not mean what they say. But there are people who just provide lip service; they say what they think you want to hear, and walk off. Stay away from those people.

AND, there are genuine, good humans, who say things, then life happens and they, for some reason out of their control, couldn’t follow through, or said something that came out wrong. I’ve done that myself.

We aren’t perfect. Our lives aren’t perfect. We wake up with morning breath, we don’t always shave our legs (haha), we get so depressed that we feel like we would be better off, not alive anymore, or can’t shower, eat, breathe without physical pain. If I posted the 90 bazillion other photos of how I really feel during the day, most days, I’d have someone calling for a welfare check.

I guess I want to normalize being REAL. No, we don’t need to share everything, no one needs to know how many shits you took today… (unless you are in the hospital, or work in the medical field… but that’s another post…lol).

Needing validation is a human necessity, in my opinion, but, it needs to be done in a healthy way, and not filled with falsified “look at my perfect life” Instagram photos, or creating the perfect reel, with the perfect children, skinny perfect wife and hot ripped husband. We need to support each other as humans, perfectly flawed and messed up.

Yes, keep yourself healthy, because we all know that batshit crazy person (people) who’s narcissistic abusive behavior will ruin you. Set your boundaries, and for the love of mud, do not let them move. Flexible, maybe, but have a hard line. That may sound like a bass-ackwards way to describe it, but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. (I have crisis in my contacts). Don’t be ashamed of not being what society or people think you should be. It’s not their business.

Also, if you’re an asshole, keep being you boo…you’re not fooling anyone.

✌️Everything is here.

There are times

Keywords: there are times, there are time when you might feel aimless, there are times in life lyrics, embittered there are questions unanswered

Scan this code for all my contacts 30 Nov 22

Scan this code for all my contacts. 30 Nov 22
Scan this code
Scan code donation links camper/van fundraiser

This is my centralized location for everything. It’s all here in one place.

You can scan this into your phone, and it will take you right there.

Please considering donating to camper/van fund. All donations are tax deductible and I will have an accountability person, all funds will be open for inspection. Complete transparency where your donations will go.

Just a quick note. My mental health cycles, and I have to take time out some days to cope.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, peace and blessings.

✌️ Shassy

The cycle of mental health 16 Nov 22

The cycle of mental health

I know there’s others out here that struggle. I know there is. The anxiety, fear, agoraphobia, heart palpitations. The questioning of everything. “Am I losing my mind?” “What’s wrong with me?”

Currently I am fighting a revolution of self doubt, self loathing, physical autoimmune flare ups, which I don’t think is a coincidence as there have been many studies that link autoimmune, to mental health and trauma. Here’s an article on it from a trusted source.

I’ve spent my entire life, literally, trying to feel ok, and being in a fight or flight situation. I’m tired. My body is tired, my mind is tired. I’m feeling defeated and worthless. You know how someone asks you how you are doing, and you instantly make a quick decision whether you are going to tell them the truth? Yea, that’s me right now. Most people don’t really want to know how you are doing, it’s just a nice thing to say.

I’ve been writing a lot this month, and trying to keep up with everything, but I really don’t think I’m accomplishing that. I guess I’m trying, and not giving up, so there’s that. That counts, right?

I think I’m going to check out today, and actually try to let my body heal. I’ve found that if I put on Chopin, it literally sends me into a state of calm that I’ve not experienced in a long time.

Unrealistic thoughts, fears of dooms day-ish things happening, fear of basically everything has been all consuming. It’s not rational, and my logical mind tells me that, but my ptsd mind runs off unattended and does it’s own thing. Reeling it in is a chore, but I have to work it.

What is EMDR

What is ART

Does this ever go away? In speaking with my long time therapist, she says that in my case it probably won’t, and that I’ll just have to learn to handle the symptoms and deal with it. We tried again to use EMDR, and ART therapy, but I failed miserably. She said that if it invokes anything negative, that we have to stop. My body reaction was bizarre, so she ended the session. We then focused on safe place, and I put the EMDR “buzzers” in my hands and tried to get that to help. It did a little, as I visualized my safe place. She did tell me that sometimes EMDR, and ART doesn’t work for some people. I guess I’m one of those. I was disappointed though because the success rate is high.

Shop my AMAZON store here.

Check out Rebel Miner’s book, Just Go Wild.

One day at a time. That’s all I can do. But there are some days where I feel my life is just wasted on trying to deal, process or cope with some kind of shit.

✌️

Shassy

The cycle of mental health

Keywords: the cycle of depression, the vicious cycle of depression, how to break the cycle of depression, the cycle of depression therapist aid cycle of depression psychology

“Clock” MoveMePoetry 11-4-22

“Clock” MoveMePoetry

Don’t drip my time

Encase it with chains

Make me feel wetness

On my legs

As you beg

To keep me

One last time

I will not give in

This rattling tin

Of a heart

Is shorn short

Of time

Release me

As I release you

From forever shackles

Man made hackles

Of shine

One

Last

Time

Your clock strikes mine.

MoveMePoetry Medium Poetry Battle Clock writing poetry

©shassyswalkabout.com

NaNoWriMo 50k Words during November

NaNoWriMo 50k words during November

NaNoWriMo shassyswalkabout.com writing poetry
NaNoWriMo poetry writing 50k words shassyswalkabout.com

During the month of November, I am participating in a writing challenge through the non profit called NaNoWriMo. (See link for more info).

NaNoWriMo.org

https://NaNoWriMo.org

This is a challenge where you can network with other writers, the general public, or completely keep your writing private. It runs until the end of November, and the challenge is to write at least 50,000 words. That’s 50k.

I’m at a little over 10k right now.

If you divide it up, it’s writing approximately 2000 words a day. That’s easy to do if you can get in your zone.

Let me know what you think. 😊

If you don’t see much of me on here, that’s why. I’m in my mojo and writing, though I will try to check in and share my progress.

✌️

Shassy

You can click here for all of my sites and info. 😊