If you’ve read my about info, you now that I started this channel to help my mental health diagnoses. To build out my old jeep, (who has 270,000 miles on her), and to get out in nature to heal, and cope.
I show a lot of positive things on my channel, and I want to keep doing that. I enjoy a lot of things, so my channel is an extension of my actual life. No fake bullshit.
So with that being said, I wanted to share a clip I made, and add in the challenges I was experiencing during filming.
I put myself out here to help cope, but I’m not always in a good way when I get to where I’m going.
I wanted to be blunt about this, it’s not easy and it’s not fun, and I have days where I want to die. (Morbid thoughts is what my therapist calls it. No plan to end my life, just thoughts that the world would be less burdened if I wasn’t on it.)
This is reality some days, and I want to be transparent.
Mental health is the #1 struggle.
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Woke up around 4-ish and debated what I wanted to do…I was instantly hit with “challenges”. But I got up, fed the dog and got things ready to head out.
Got to the ranch and the storm clouds were covering the sunrise and I thought it was just gorgeous. Did a real quick set up of my camera, and tried to catch it. Got a little…
The sun is life. Without it everything gets discombobulated. Including my brain. I try to get as much sun as I can handle…though some days it causes a flare up, but I get out in it anyway. During the winter I have sun light bulbs, mostly for my indoor plants, but also for myself. Seasonal affective disorder is a real thing.
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I cycled really fast this morning. Haven’t figured out the whys about it, so I just try to deal with it. I made it! I almost put myself back to bed with a Xanax because I was in a shitty anxiety attack that was lasting forever.
But I didn’t. I went and prepped my garden and ran the weed eater on my little back yard. I decided to try my entire garden from seed this year. Flowers, tomatoes, and cucumbers. If I don’t see them sprouting in a couple of weeks, then I’ll go get some that have already been started, but normally I do fairly well with seeds.
Sunrises are the best, May 8, 2023
I planted a lot of insect friendly seeds, and some climbing seeds. Fingers crossed everything goes well. We are supposed to get some rain today and tonight, so hopefully that will help as well. I don’t have any areas that the water runs off, so I THINK the seeds I plopped on the ground, will stay. I did cover them a bit. Technically I’m not supposed to plant anything “in the ground”, it has to be in pots, but I did it anyway. 🤷🏻♀️
Anywho…thanks for reading, and here’s the video I took of the sun and clouds. So beautiful.
Here’s a Story 