Dedicated to the remaining wild and free mustangs, and those that are trying so very hard to let them stay that way, and out of the slaughter pipeline, where they are inhumanly, and brutally, painfully, killed.
I’m trying to expand, and get to 1000 subs, followers, all of the things! Would you help me out? Please share, like, follow…Let’s see if I can do this by the end of the month! Thanks so much!! ✌️ Shassy
I’m making some changes to my website over the next few days. Revamping, etc. Please be patient with me. These last few days have been rough. Technical difficulties, ptsd symptoms, unidentified back problem. But the highlights have been taking my myself out in nature and just breathing. Yesterday I worked on a new electric fence […]
There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.
Our society has conditioned our ever present brains to accept what is put in front of our faces, usually via an electronic device or screen. We post a smiling face, nice house, fancy car, when in reality a lot of our lives are filled with pain, dysfunction and calamity.
Suicide thoughts run rampant among those of us who have had to deal with a lifetime of trauma. Or any trauma. Whether it’s from combat, familial abuse, spousal abuse, or abuse from a stranger. Anything traumatic, that makes a person question their safety, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, mental or physical,WILL CHANGE YOU.
I don’t care what you say. It changes a person. Someone who has experience trauma, will not come out on the other side the same, and a lot of times, they don’t even recognize what’s happening, and have no idea how to deal with it. (Me).
This has been me for the majority of my life. Not knowing what’s wrong, wanting to “fix” it, not understanding why I made horrible choices and decisions, and stumbling through, hiding my pain and ignoring my own emotional well being, thinking that crying, or showing emotion, was considered a weakness.
This year has been a really good year of understanding, self discovery, setting boundaries, forgiveness, mixed in with a range of emotions including extreme anger, heartbreak and acceptance. It’s not a done deal, as life is about change, and since we (me, you) are still here, then the progression will continue.
How much should a person share? Where’s the boundaries? When does it become too much? Or not enough? A lot of people really don’t care when they ask “How ya doin’?” It’s a knee jerk reaction, and honestly, we as humans need to watch our words. I STILL have a hard time with that… thinking that everyone means what they say. They don’t. They are full of shit.
Not every person is an asshole, not every person INTENDS to not mean what they say. But there are people who just provide lip service; they say what they think you want to hear, and walk off. Stay away from those people.
AND, there are genuine, good humans, who say things, then life happens and they, for some reason out of their control, couldn’t follow through, or said something that came out wrong. I’ve done that myself.
We aren’t perfect. Our lives aren’t perfect. We wake up with morning breath, we don’t always shave our legs (haha), we get so depressed that we feel like we would be better off, not alive anymore, or can’t shower, eat, breathe without physical pain. If I posted the 90 bazillion other photos of how I really feel during the day, most days, I’d have someone calling for a welfare check.
I guess I want to normalize being REAL. No, we don’t need to share everything, no one needs to know how many shits you took today… (unless you are in the hospital, or work in the medical field… but that’s another post…lol).
Needing validation is a human necessity, in my opinion, but, it needs to be done in a healthy way, and not filled with falsified “look at my perfect life” Instagram photos, or creating the perfect reel, with the perfect children, skinny perfect wife and hot ripped husband. We need to support each other as humans, perfectly flawed and messed up.
Yes, keep yourself healthy, because we all know that batshit crazy person (people) who’s narcissistic abusive behavior will ruin you. Set your boundaries, and for the love of mud, do not let them move. Flexible, maybe, but have a hard line. That may sound like a bass-ackwards way to describe it, but 🤷🏻♀️.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. (I have crisis in my contacts). Don’t be ashamed of not being what society or people think you should be. It’s not their business.
Also, if you’re an asshole, keep being you boo…you’re not fooling anyone.
This is my centralized location for everything. It’s all here in one place.
You can scan this into your phone, and it will take you right there.
Please considering donating to camper/van fund. All donations are tax deductible and I will have an accountability person, all funds will be open for inspection. Complete transparency where your donations will go.
Just a quick note. My mental health cycles, and I have to take time out some days to cope.
Today is the day. Traditionally we’d all run out to the stores and get into the hustle and bustle of the kickoff of the holiday season. It’s 30 days until Christmas.
I can’t believe another year is almost over. I think that’s the most freaky thing to me… how time is just flying by. We made it through a worldwide “pandemic”. Deaths of close friends and family, starting a business, and redefining what that goal is, and how it looks. Wild crazy weather, drought, rain.
I honestly want to get away from it all. Seriously. I’m starting a fundraiser to help with finding a camper/van.
Anyway. Back to Black Friday. Here’s my Amazon store finds. Just a few because I tend to be on the techy side, and not everyone is that way. I’m also sharing my Overstock link for shopping as well. Not everyone shops on Amazon. I’ll put in a few just in case.
I was going to put up a bunch of products, but that felt like I was trying to sell you something. When you click the link, you can search for products. I’ve listed a couple, just to make sure the links work, and what I would purchase, but the options are endless. You can find anything online.
Just a quick post to say that I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, or however you chose to spend your day. I’m, as usual, crunching trying to get my NaNoWriMo finished. I’ve spend too much time “thinking” about it, and am only at about 17k words at this moment. Also the depression, ptsd, autoimmune struggle has been rough. Really rough.
I’m also sharing my fundraising campaign for a camper/van. I have listed the reasons within the campaign, and if you follow me, you’ll know.
I think I’ve figured out this whole online business thing. It’s been almost a year that I’ve been learning, creating, and figuring it out.
Here’s some things I’ve found out about the online space, and making money.
Money doesn’t buy you happiness. I’ve had it, made it, lost it, and honestly, it hasn’t brought me any kind of peace at all.
If you think that you are going to start a business without investing money, you’re being mislead.
If you think that you are going to make fast money, again, you’re being mislead.
I’ve found out that, for me, if it doesn’t bring me peace, a sense of completeness, and the ability to maybe help others, THEN IT’S NOT WORTH IT, and I’m not going to do it.
I have found what makes me feel good, what brings me peace, and what ignites a fire under my ass. It’s not building funnels, or landing pages, it’s not getting a new affiliate partnership with another company, it’s not sitting in zoom calls listening to rah rah speeches, and being told that I need to do this or that to make money.
MONEY MONEY MONEY. I’m so sick of hearing about money. Because honestly if I die tomorrow, I can’t take it with me. Money is REQUIRED to live in most places in a populated society. But everyone is different, and their goals are different. That’s ok.
I am a lifelong trauma survivor. I’ve struggled MY ENTIRE LIFE. I struggle to this day.
What I have realized is that writing helps me process that trauma, and makes me not want to kill myself. Yea, that’s heavy, but it’s the truth. Building a huge affiliate program isn’t what I want to do. I want to pour my heart and soul into what I write because it feels RIGHT. It’s right for me. So that’s what I’m going to do.
I will probably keep the few affiliate partnerships that I have, my amazon store, maybe my Etsy store, I don’t know yet. But I’ll be getting rid of all of the others, because it’s just not right for me.
So for my followers, thank you for hanging in there with me. Thank you for seeing me and allowing me to find my passion. It’s been a year, for sure.
Follow me on Twitter @hrsygurl. On Medium @hrysgurl. On Facebook. (You can click the underlined words). And of course here.
Thank you. Really, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
If you would like to join the writing challenge for November, go to this link NaNoWriMo.org. It’s not too late!
Key words: what is my passion, struggling to find my passion, how to find your passion when you are depressed, find your passion meaning, how to find your passion and purpose, finding and fulfilling pursuit, discover your passion.
Today…I am thankful for another day to be alive. Struggles and all. And really, I don’t have many struggles. Actually, just one that I am trying to process. How do you move from romantic love, back to friendship without feeling weird? I’m not sure how to do that…it’s like I need to learn how to flip a switch, and I’m not sure how. I’m not sure if I can even do it. Since I’m trying to deal with feelings and not push them away, it seems counterproductive to try to “switch” it off. So I am at a cross roads….do I wait and see if anything happens later, or do I live in the now and realize that RIGHT NOW, I am not needed. If I wait, then I am committing myself to something that can’t commit back. I am the only one making a decision if I do that. Hmm..that’s not fair. LOL..If I don’t wait, then I move on to the opportunities that have been presenting themselves, but also the whole scenario of starting over. Yikes…But also…I believe that it’s not always in my control. I can pray and ask for guidance, which I do. And thank you Lord for taking my burdens, by the way.
I mentioned the other day something that I have been thinking about a lot. My thoughts were something to the affect of–“don’t replace one addiction with another.” I’ve said before that for me it’s important to understand actions and thought processes, for myself, so that I can react accordingly and correct my behaviour so I do not continue to make the same mistakes. So in thinking about not replacing one addiction with another…I wonder if I’m addicted to love…haha…sounds like an 80’s hairband song. Oh wait..it is. LOL…Thank you Robert Palmer…anyway…I’m getting sidetracked. I LOOOOOOVE to love. I love being in love, choosing to love, all of it. It makes me feel good. So then I think of my friends that say…I don’t want to be with anyone. I like being alone. One friend in particular is so afraid of getting hurt, that she will not even consider loving again. Me…I’m too dorky to give up. I still have that hope in humanity. I haven’t given up. And you know what? I’m not going to give up either. God says he will give us the desires of our hearts, in one way or another…so I’m gonna go with it. I’ve thrown up all my worries and cares to Him, and he has answered my prayers seven-fold. He made me, He knows me, and He takes care of me.
I haven’t given up.
I had taken a break for a few days from blogging. And as I am typing now, and once again, I realize how this form of processing is a way to hear God’s voice in my heart. It NEVER ceases to amaze me. It’s hard to explain, but the key ingredient that I find is in my own actions. I must be vulnerable and open, not allow a hard heart, or bitterness to fill it. I must trust that someone other than myself is in charge. It comes down to trust for me…I must practice it. I can’t let the walls build up around my heart, because when that happens, I will not hear what I need to. I haven’t given up.
Recovery is a life long process…I believe that it doesn’t stop…we are constantly changing, as is life, so there is no possible way that we are “recovered”. I just don’t believe it. Like a relationship, it must be nurtured and paid attention to, or complacency and temptation will worm it’s way back into our lives like a maggot into a dead body. I want to keep learning and growing and maybe someday be able to share that with someone.
But until then….I’ll stay the course, stand guard and keep love in my heart.
I need Coffee and my #1 DOG (from the archives 11-18-2021
Coffee. And if I am being honest, I really need a dedicated writing space…sitting here on my couch with my feet on the “coffee” table is ok for now, but knowing me, I’ll get antsy, and move to the bed.. lol…. Anyway, not that that is a big deal, whatever works, right? Oh, and the coffee is DECAFFEINATED. WTF is wrong with me…
Continuing on with the therapy mode of this blog…recently I’ve been struggling.. flashbacks, anxiety, little sleep…I guess I don’t sleep more than four hours a night anyway, but yea. I’m sure within this blog, there’s another blog about this same thing. Yes, I have a pill for anxiety, but I don’t like taking it because it knocks me out. I want to be present with this life, my life. If I live to be 90, I’ve already lived half of my life… and to some, I have nothing to show for it. To some… lets get into that. I have felt, for the majority of my adult life, that I have not been good enough, that I have failed, that I have made wrong decisions (which I have learned that I have). But… this feeling of being judged, of guilt, of shame. When is enough enough? How do I get past this? I felt like I was never doing good enough… blah blah. I’m sure my shrink will have an answer for me, after she digs it out of my own head. It goes back to this thing or that thing that happened during this or that time of my life. The only thing I’m good at now is putting up walls.
I’ve written some about my mother. Just to clarify, right now, I do not dislike or hate my mother. I love her as a human being, and as a person who is flawed like the rest of us. There are some things that I have come to the realization of, where she is concerned, and that is ok, it’s my progression and way of processing. This memoir is mine, and is in no way meant to put pad vibes or negative juju on her, or anyone for that matter. I say, and tell people, that if you don’t like what you read, then just move on. Easy peasy.
I’ve recently, joined Twitter. Well, I joined back in March, but didn’t really do anything until recently. Flakebook is irritating, so I deactivated for the time being. I want to finish the book I’ve been writing, for what seems to be a zillion years, and needed some support, I guess. There is a great community of writers there. :-).
Right now I feel scared, about what I’m not sure. This time of year can be a bumpy ride sometimes. I look at the D.O.G. who has saved me so many times, snoring on the other end of the couch, and wish I could just sleep like she does. She’s been washed for many years, of PA work, due to being attacked by another dog, and just plain being too stressed to work in the public anymore, but she still very much tasks for me at home. She alerts to things before I know what’s going on, and I am, on the daily, still amazed by what she “knows”. So what if she can’t do PA work anymore… I can’t function most of the time in public, so I have to understand that she is a living, breathing, feeling, soul… one who has flaws just like I do.