Social media is great… especially for people like me who are introverts, but want to keep in touch.
But it gets to be too much sometimes. So I step away. I put my phone on do not disturb, so I don’t constantly see notifications, and I just write, rest, or spend time in nature.
In the process of hurting my back, and doing the things needed to get it healed up, I was sort of forced into a break, but I slowly realized I was needing one anyway.
If you know my story, then you know I struggle with mental health diagnoses, and as much as I would love to be “even keel”, and emotionally leveled out, the fact is I’m not that way.
I’ve been working on my #jeepminicamper and that has been a source of accomplishment, and also a way to distract my mind from morbid thoughts, unrealistic fears, and some depression.
The thing about mental illness, for me anyway, if I don’t manage it right, all of the things I do to distract my mind, come creeping back up if I try to pretend that they aren’t there. So I just deal with it. I put myself in the very present, noting the things around me, what I’m doing, or not doing. What is actually real, and not some illogical thought process that is stemming directly from a ptsd symptom, or a cloud of oppressive depression.
It’s hard. It’s just hard some days. I get tired. I get frustrated, I get angry, I cry. I question everything, I question my life’s worth, I question my worth as a human being, I even guestion the things that bring me peace, wondering if I’m even worth peace.
Those things are the trickery and deception of mental illness. It comes to steal kill and destroy. Destroy families, destroy relationships, friendships, and in worst case it will take your life.
How social media forces me to step away, and the (my) cycle of mental illness.
I’m hyper vigilant…this stems from a home invasion, and domestic violence. But that hyper vigilance seeps into other areas… and compounds symptoms. If I’m going through a cycle of depressive episodes, that hyper vigilance will look for everything that is depressing in my life… logical? Absolutely not, but that’s the cycle some days.
So today’s ramblings are what I’m currently struggling with. I share because I know I’m not alone in struggling with mental health… although I am physically alone, I still want to be open and share, because someone else needs to hear that they are not alone.
You are not alone.
I may not be the best to talk to all the time, but I will listen, and be an ear. Sometimes that’s all a person needs.
So with that, I’m peacin’ out for today.
Thanks for listening. I’m working on a podcast, but it’s new territory for me, so please be patient. Also, please share, like, subscribe if you feel inclined, I would truly appreciate it.
This week we were to write an ekphrastik piece using this image.
I’ll have to admit I needed to look up the word ekphrastik.. I write poetry, but it’s all in a willy nilly form…my brain doesn’t work well around forms, or “ways” to write poetry, and when I’ve tried to sit down and do these things, I get frustrated and lose my joy in writing. But I looked up the word “ekphrastic” and got this definition:
“The word ekphrasis, or ecphrasis, comes from the Greek for the written description of a work of art produced as a rhetorical or literary exercise, often used in the adjectival form ekphrastic. It is a vivid, often dramatic, verbal description of a visual work of art, either real or imagined.” Wikipedia
So…. With that being said…. Here I go… I still may not do it “write”, but I’m trying anyway.
Move Me Poetry Battle submission 10 March 23
‘Oh Crafted Pencil”. “You dig in your sharp, hidden lead as your stead. This reminds me of caught breaths, gritted teeth, leading straight from my bed. Moving around has become painful tread. As I’ve wiggled and waddled from the point of restead, and injured myself, like the shaft impaled in this gently paused thread. Stabbed in the back, I feel like I’m bled, hoping soon will come, a point of rethread. Not paying attention, now I’m chained to the bed, unable to move without pain as my dread.”
Thanks for reading!
P.S. My poem didn’t fit into the character limit for this weeks battle.. but I published anyway, because it describes the pain I’m going through with a back injury I’ve recently sustained… not sure how, but I can barely move.
NO MY SITE IS NOT GOING OFFLINE. Working out some technical issues.
Find me on my other socials, if you want. I’m leaning further #out #of #Facebook. All of my videos (reels) will also be on my website. (My latest reel is at the bottom of this post.)
Why? Because I like it better, and have to do what’s best for my noggin.
Trying to keep up with everything, is hard some days, and the key to everything online is consistency. So I have to choose which #platforms are #performing better, with the least amount of “issues”.
Everything is linked in my #linktreeinbio
I won’t delete the account, but just won’t be posting as much here as time moves forward. I’ll see how it goes.. because things can change.
I have posted strong opinions about it, but I’m attempting…haha…to find my filter for my mouth.
Find me in my other socials. If you want to…I’m not the boss of you. 🤣🤣🤣
It’s just me being tired of the control issue… my content will get 40k, 10k views, until they offer to pay me, then they toggle it, and views go down. It seems dumb to me.. but hey.. I’m not Facebook. Just had a video get over 11k views Instagram (yes owned by Meta), but it gets less than 500 over on FB… because they wanted me in their monetization program. Prior to that… things were different.
Also, I enjoy the freedom I have on my own site. Nobody tells me I’m going to get banned/ or a community violation for saying this, or that.
Yes I understand that if I’m going to continue to build, I have to jump through some hoops. I’m just deciding which hoops.
Also, having my face in front of a screen, isn’t good for me. It’s not good for anyone actually.
My goal is to share a lot, because it’s the number one most effective way for me to cope… and I’ve got to be able to deal with my baggage…..and if me sharing helps at least one other person, then I’ve accomplished something.
My main source will be here… I’ve had this site since 2013. I’ll keep Medium,(for my poetry) Reddit (because so far I love it there) and Instagram (because it’s easier to integrate what I want)… and Twitter (because I’m a part of a great writing, poetry community over there… but even Twitter is changing)…but I’m backing off of Facebook. I’ve backed completely off of Tiktok…. I can’t stand it there… I still have an account with a couple of videos, but it’s just too much. I do have a feet page… doing an experiment with that, so not sure I’ll keep it….. yes I said feet… I’m quirky and weird, but I’m ok with that. 🤣
I’m opening an Amazon storefront because I have so many products that I get from there, that I use, and it’s just easier to share all in one place sometimes. If I can’t find it on Amazon, I share a link to it.
So there it is. Peace out Facebook. For now at least.
A little diddy I wrote for my Daenerys. My old Jeep that I have halfway finfished turning into a mini camper… I’ve got all the seats out, a platform build for the bed, recycled a junk desk from Walmart and a spot for the Zoester. It’s enough for us to sleep out under the stars. Though it’s freezing outside at the moment… 🤣
Oh… and I’m not a carpenter… my wood work is ragtag, but it works! I’ll fix and decorate more after I get finished. Nothing has given way yet! Haha… I’ll take a video tomorrow to share.
But right now I’ve got power, and warmth, and my girls (Sadie standing by as well). Simba will come too after I get his area situated.
Also… that little solar generator? It’s still going. Five days now. I haven’t been using it non stop, just when I need my small electronics charged. I’m impressed thus far!