Tag Archives: prayer

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I am sitting here on my pity pot today. Also, guess what day it is? Yep, 4/20.

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Good morning, or afternoon….

Spent the night at the ranch in my #jeepminicamper, enjoyed a great thunderstorm and realized I need to NOT leave the window open without my screens on…I shooed out a zillion flies before the storm. Isn’t there something that says lots of flies arrive before rain? Well I found all of them…at least that’s what it seemed like.

The other night I was looking for something to eat…and found a box of Mac and cheese that I had gotten from the food bank. (Yes, I’ll admit, sometimes I go to the food bank…. Living on a fixed income is hard some months.). Anywho, I fixed that box of Mac and Cheese, and took a bite, and thought I was going to throw up. It has to have been the nastiest thing I’ve tasted in a long time. I put the rest in the freezer in case I have nothing else to eat.

Yesterday I worked on the camper for a while, and re-injured the disc in my lower back. So now I’m back to doing nothing, ice heat, and tens unit. And I’m upset, crying, frustrated, thankful, all of it all at once.

I am sitting here on my pity pot today. Also, guess what day it is? Yep, 4/20.

I’m supposed to see a neurologist in the beginning of May, if I can get my car running…the check engine light came on, and I took it to my son (who is a master mechanic) to read the codes, and it showed a piston 1 misfire. Which is probably just a spark plug issue. I hope so, the ole girl has 270,000 miles on her. Right now I stick to only going to do chores, and the store only when I have to.

Money is tight, I’m cutting back as much as I can. I have to make Zoey’s food, and yes, I get food benefits, of $128 a month, and a lot of that goes to her, because of her development of food allergies. (Chicken, eggs, corn, soy, wheat, salmon, and any type of byproduct of those ingredients. Which if you look in the dog food kibble ingredients, you will find all or some of those.) I’m not proud of that, but there’s nothing else I can do at this point. So I cook things that I can eat as well as Zoey.

On to that…I am on disability…I’m not a dependable employee anymore due to mental health issues. I’ve talked about those before on this blog. I went through, and still go through times where I feel like I’m a useless pile of bones covered in skin. This is not how I wanted it to be, I wanted to finish my degree and take care of people. But symptoms became uncontrollable, and it affected my ability to function on a daily basis. My therapist referred me to their attorney for the process of disability. Which took two years from the time he took my case, to the judge’s decision. The only way I am able to afford my rent, is because I also have a HUD subsidy that pays for half of it. I have low income energy assistance, food benefits, subsidized housing, and a 24 year old car.

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Would I love to change that? Yes. So I’m trying to do whatever I can using my computer.. What I’ve found is that if you want to make money fairly quickly, (like within a year), you have to HAVE money to invest in training, hosting for a website, and at least $500 a month for advertising. $500 is half of what the government sends me for my monthly disability benefit. So needless to say, I’m not going the “fast” route. I’m trying to do it all organically, and learn as I go. I’m really enjoying my YouTube channel, and interacting and sharing what brings me peace.

At this point in my life peace is all I want.

I cannot handle any type of trauma, stress, dysfunction or cruelty. Although am not afraid of a confrontation, and will defend myself, my family and friends, I steer clear of it if I get any red flags.

HEY HEY HEY!!! HUMBLE COLLECTIVE CBD IS HAVING THEIR 4/20 SALE! MASSIVE SALES AND DISCOUNTS! CLICK ANY UNDERLINED/COLORED WORD TO CHECK OUT THEIR PRODUCTS. YAY!!! HAPPY 4/20 (HUMBLE COLLECTIVE LINK) Legal in all 50 states.

I guess I’m not really on my pity pot, just all up in my feelings. Frustrated with my physical issues, because there is no cure, it’s degenerative, and things are running through my mind… like if I’m ever going to ride again…which I will…but it scares me because I knew exactly what I did yesterday to cause this flare up…which means that I have to baby things. Like don’t bend a certain way, which is exactly what I did yesterday trying to lift this wooden bench I made, and that’s when I re-injured myself.

I’m not used to not being able to do what I want to do…but I guess it is what it is.

Happy Thursday and thanks for listening. I know there are many blessings in my life, and I count them everyday and include those people that are my blessings, in my prayers.

✌️

Shassy

Https://linktr.ee/hrsygirl

Keywords: humble alternative, humble collective, hemp, pity pot, feelings, blessings, prayer, #jeepminicamper

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American Mustang Vivre la vie

American Mustang Vivre la vie

Soft breath

Flutter on my face

A warmth

Fleeting.

Wind whips by

Leaving me with your scent

Woodsy, sweet and earthy.

You’re gone

But just for a moment

I see you up on high,

So proud and strong.

I hear your voice

Reassuring me that you’re still around.

Then gone again, to be free

To be loved

To love

As it should be,

Always free.

Poetry, writing©️shassyswalkabout.com

Dedicated to the remaining wild and free mustangs, and those that are trying so very hard to let them stay that way, and out of the slaughter pipeline, where they are inhumanly, and brutally, painfully, killed.

Pass the Safe Act.

https://aldf.org/project/the-save-americas-forgotten-equines-act-safe-act-federal/

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Suicide Prevention

gray scale photo of man covering face with his hands
Suicide prevention

I recently became aware of someone that I know, who has been struggling with addiction and mental health issues. This is close to my heart.

I have struggled my entire life with depression and suicidal thoughts. (Since the age of 9). This is close to my heart, because I have made it through the rough parts. But not without work and many failings and falling down.

When I found out about this person, I wrote a poem for him. He is no longer with us, and I wish I had paid closer attention, because I KNEW there was something going on behind the scenes. I saw it in his eyes. Lesson learned, I’m going to ask, friend, or foe, if I see something. If they reject, then Ok, but at least I tried.

Below is the link to the poem I wrote. I have a couple of sites, and try to publish poetry, writing etc, on two major sources, here and Medium.

Rest In Peace.

Please click the picture to read the poem. It’s a safe link, I will never post a link that is unsafe.

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Read more of this content when you subscribe today.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, call someone for help, or text 988.

https://www.nami.org/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/FCC-Designates-988-as-a-Nationwide-Mental-Health-Crisis-and-Suicide-Prevention-Number

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/Calmerry
suicide prevention
Photo by Elīna Arāja on Pexels.com

Keywords: suicide prevention, suicide prevention, national suicide prevention lifeline, about suicide prevention, suicide prevention program,

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Ghosts

Ghosts

Cold ghosts from the grave

Clawing up with rose colored glass

Only to slither under skin

Feeling warm, then reminds of sin

Come at me, defiant one

Trick me with your violent pun

For I will always see

The truth in you

Blackened

Fetching

Luring

The prince you think you are

Not true

For you

Are nothing; death destroying

Disguised as diamonds

Under rotting flesh

Stealing from others

Incapable of feeling

Light shines through your guise

For in reality you are far from wise

So try as you may, to sway and disguise

Truth will prevail

It will be you who dies.

©️shassyswalkabout.com

Ghosts from the past
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Flashback

Flashback

Obtrusive words

You bring to me

After a speck of guilt filled kindness sent

Though they weren’t,

They were

Only wanting

Always needing

I push down feelings of betrayal

Once again

You kill me with your presence

Without even being here

Your effervescent light is just trickery

Armor on

Tears repressed

I must realize the facade

Step back

Retract

Breathe deep and weep.

Flashback

©️shassyswalkabout.com

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There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

Our society has conditioned our ever present brains to accept what is put in front of our faces, usually via an electronic device or screen. We post a smiling face, nice house, fancy car, when in reality a lot of our lives are filled with pain, dysfunction and calamity.

Suicide thoughts run rampant among those of us who have had to deal with a lifetime of trauma. Or any trauma. Whether it’s from combat, familial abuse, spousal abuse, or abuse from a stranger. Anything traumatic, that makes a person question their safety, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, mental or physical,WILL CHANGE YOU.

I don’t care what you say. It changes a person. Someone who has experience trauma, will not come out on the other side the same, and a lot of times, they don’t even recognize what’s happening, and have no idea how to deal with it. (Me).

This has been me for the majority of my life. Not knowing what’s wrong, wanting to “fix” it, not understanding why I made horrible choices and decisions, and stumbling through, hiding my pain and ignoring my own emotional well being, thinking that crying, or showing emotion, was considered a weakness.

This year has been a really good year of understanding, self discovery, setting boundaries, forgiveness, mixed in with a range of emotions including extreme anger, heartbreak and acceptance. It’s not a done deal, as life is about change, and since we (me, you) are still here, then the progression will continue.

How much should a person share? Where’s the boundaries? When does it become too much? Or not enough? A lot of people really don’t care when they ask “How ya doin’?” It’s a knee jerk reaction, and honestly, we as humans need to watch our words. I STILL have a hard time with that… thinking that everyone means what they say. They don’t. They are full of shit.

Not every person is an asshole, not every person INTENDS to not mean what they say. But there are people who just provide lip service; they say what they think you want to hear, and walk off. Stay away from those people.

AND, there are genuine, good humans, who say things, then life happens and they, for some reason out of their control, couldn’t follow through, or said something that came out wrong. I’ve done that myself.

We aren’t perfect. Our lives aren’t perfect. We wake up with morning breath, we don’t always shave our legs (haha), we get so depressed that we feel like we would be better off, not alive anymore, or can’t shower, eat, breathe without physical pain. If I posted the 90 bazillion other photos of how I really feel during the day, most days, I’d have someone calling for a welfare check.

I guess I want to normalize being REAL. No, we don’t need to share everything, no one needs to know how many shits you took today… (unless you are in the hospital, or work in the medical field… but that’s another post…lol).

Needing validation is a human necessity, in my opinion, but, it needs to be done in a healthy way, and not filled with falsified “look at my perfect life” Instagram photos, or creating the perfect reel, with the perfect children, skinny perfect wife and hot ripped husband. We need to support each other as humans, perfectly flawed and messed up.

Yes, keep yourself healthy, because we all know that batshit crazy person (people) who’s narcissistic abusive behavior will ruin you. Set your boundaries, and for the love of mud, do not let them move. Flexible, maybe, but have a hard line. That may sound like a bass-ackwards way to describe it, but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. (I have crisis in my contacts). Don’t be ashamed of not being what society or people think you should be. It’s not their business.

Also, if you’re an asshole, keep being you boo…you’re not fooling anyone.

✌️Everything is here.

There are times

Keywords: there are times, there are time when you might feel aimless, there are times in life lyrics, embittered there are questions unanswered

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Scan this code for all my contacts 30 Nov 22

Scan this code for all my contacts. 30 Nov 22
Scan this code
Scan code donation links camper/van fundraiser

This is my centralized location for everything. It’s all here in one place.

You can scan this into your phone, and it will take you right there.

Please considering donating to camper/van fund. All donations are tax deductible and I will have an accountability person, all funds will be open for inspection. Complete transparency where your donations will go.

Just a quick note. My mental health cycles, and I have to take time out some days to cope.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, peace and blessings.

✌️ Shassy

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/make-money-online/
Donate to camper/van fund here.

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#MoveMePoetryBattle 19 Nov 22

beverage in cup next to open book

#MoveMePoetryBattle 19 Nov 22-Submission

MoveMePoetryBattle Poetry 19Nov22
#movemepoetrybattle #poetry #writingcommunity

This weeks poetry battle was to use this image writing our poems.

This is my submission.

You can search Twitter hashtags #MoveMePoetry, #writing community to see more submissions from amazing authors and poets.

✌️ Shassy

https://linktr.ee/Hrsygirl

Check @JustGoWild on TikTok, and he’s written a book about his adventures, you can find that book here.

Also, check out my short story. It was written raw and while I was dealing with and extremely difficult PTSD episode. But it’s all true. You can get it here on Barnes and Noble, or HERE on Amazon

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Finding my passion 5 Nov 22

monochrome photo of couple in ocean

Finding my passion 5 Nov 22

I think I’ve figured out this whole online business thing. It’s been almost a year that I’ve been learning, creating, and figuring it out.

Here’s some things I’ve found out about the online space, and making money.

  1. Money doesn’t buy you happiness. I’ve had it, made it, lost it, and honestly, it hasn’t brought me any kind of peace at all.
  2. If you think that you are going to start a business without investing money, you’re being mislead.
  3. If you think that you are going to make fast money, again, you’re being mislead.
  4. I’ve found out that, for me, if it doesn’t bring me peace, a sense of completeness, and the ability to maybe help others, THEN IT’S NOT WORTH IT, and I’m not going to do it.

I have found what makes me feel good, what brings me peace, and what ignites a fire under my ass. It’s not building funnels, or landing pages, it’s not getting a new affiliate partnership with another company, it’s not sitting in zoom calls listening to rah rah speeches, and being told that I need to do this or that to make money.

MONEY MONEY MONEY. I’m so sick of hearing about money. Because honestly if I die tomorrow, I can’t take it with me. Money is REQUIRED to live in most places in a populated society. But everyone is different, and their goals are different. That’s ok.

I am a lifelong trauma survivor. I’ve struggled MY ENTIRE LIFE. I struggle to this day.

What I have realized is that writing helps me process that trauma, and makes me not want to kill myself. Yea, that’s heavy, but it’s the truth. Building a huge affiliate program isn’t what I want to do. I want to pour my heart and soul into what I write because it feels RIGHT. It’s right for me. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I will probably keep the few affiliate partnerships that I have, my amazon store, maybe my Etsy store, I don’t know yet. But I’ll be getting rid of all of the others, because it’s just not right for me.

So for my followers, thank you for hanging in there with me. Thank you for seeing me and allowing me to find my passion. It’s been a year, for sure.

Follow me on Twitter @hrsygurl. On Medium @hrysgurl. On Facebook. (You can click the underlined words). And of course here.

Thank you. Really, I mean it, from the bottom of my heart.

✌️

Shassy

Finding my passion shassyswalkabout.com twitter facebook medium
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

If you would like to join the writing challenge for November, go to this link NaNoWriMo.org. It’s not too late!

Key words: what is my passion, struggling to find my passion, how to find your passion when you are depressed, find your passion meaning, how to find your passion and purpose, finding and fulfilling pursuit, discover your passion.

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NaNoWriMo 50k Words during November

NaNoWriMo 50k words during November

NaNoWriMo shassyswalkabout.com writing poetry
NaNoWriMo poetry writing 50k words shassyswalkabout.com

During the month of November, I am participating in a writing challenge through the non profit called NaNoWriMo. (See link for more info).

NaNoWriMo.org

https://NaNoWriMo.org

This is a challenge where you can network with other writers, the general public, or completely keep your writing private. It runs until the end of November, and the challenge is to write at least 50,000 words. That’s 50k.

I’m at a little over 10k right now.

If you divide it up, it’s writing approximately 2000 words a day. That’s easy to do if you can get in your zone.

Let me know what you think. 😊

If you don’t see much of me on here, that’s why. I’m in my mojo and writing, though I will try to check in and share my progress.

✌️

Shassy

You can click here for all of my sites and info. 😊

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/make-money-online/