Tag Archives: recovery

by

Find me in my other socials. If you want to…I’m not the boss of you. 🤣🤣🤣

Or here via my Linktree.

NO MY SITE IS NOT GOING OFFLINE. Working out some technical issues.

Find me on my other socials, if you want. I’m leaning further #out #of #Facebook. All of my videos (reels) will also be on my website. (My latest reel is at the bottom of this post.)

Why? Because I like it better, and have to do what’s best for my noggin.

Trying to keep up with everything, is hard some days, and the key to everything online is consistency. So I have to choose which #platforms are #performing better, with the least amount of “issues”.

Everything is linked in my #linktreeinbio

I won’t delete the account, but just won’t be posting as much here as time moves forward. I’ll see how it goes.. because things can change.

I have posted strong opinions about it, but I’m attempting…haha…to find my filter for my mouth.

Find me in my other socials. If you want to…I’m not the boss of you. 🤣🤣🤣

It’s just me being tired of the control issue… my content will get 40k,
10k views, until they offer to pay me, then they toggle it, and views go down. It seems dumb to me.. but hey.. I’m not Facebook. Just had a video get over 11k views Instagram (yes owned by Meta), but it gets less than 500 over on FB… because they wanted me in their monetization program. Prior to that… things were different.

Also, I enjoy the freedom I have on my own site. Nobody tells me I’m
going to get banned/ or a community violation for saying this, or that.

Yes I understand that if I’m going to continue to build, I have to jump through some hoops. I’m just deciding which hoops.

Also, having my face in front of a screen, isn’t good for me. It’s not good for anyone actually.

My goal is to share a lot, because it’s the number one most effective way for me to cope… and I’ve got to be able to deal with my baggage…..and if me sharing helps at least one other person, then I’ve accomplished something.

My main source will be here… I’ve had this site since 2013. I’ll keep Medium,(for my poetry) Reddit (because so far I love it there) and Instagram (because it’s easier to integrate what I want)… and Twitter (because I’m a part of a great writing, poetry community over there… but even Twitter is changing)…but I’m backing off of Facebook. I’ve backed completely off of Tiktok…. I can’t stand it there… I still have an account with a couple of videos, but it’s just too much. I do have a feet page… doing an experiment with that, so not sure I’ll keep it….. yes I said feet… I’m quirky and weird, but I’m ok with that. 🤣

I’m opening an Amazon storefront because I have so many products that I get from there, that I use, and it’s just easier to share all in one place sometimes. If I can’t find it on Amazon, I share a link to it.

So there it is. Peace out Facebook. For now at least.

I can’t believe I could have lost her 4 months ago. (Story on my insta via underlined/ and or different colored words).

✌️

Shassy

by

Broken, a trip back in time.

picture of magic garden from fairy tales
Broken
Photo by Alexander Ant on Pexels.com
Broken, a trip back in time.

Reflection:

I’ve been buzzing around today…not doing much of anything other than cleaning, thinking, reading.  Since I have decided to face the demons from my past, there has been an influx of emotion today.  And it freakin hurts. Bad.  Like so bad I want to drink a bottle of Jameson bad.  The whole bottle. Right now. I physically HURT.  Right in my chest, it’s like my heart actually hurts. It sucks. I hate it.

It’s dark outside now, and that’s usually when this sh*t hits.  And I’m alone…naturally, I’m usually always alone.  Physically anyway.  So now comes the time when I have to feel this crap.  It’s been a very long time since I’ve REALLY truly honestly felt pain.  Logically I understand it all, so I’m trying to keep my logical mind in place, and not get carried away and become under the influence of this pain I am dealing with.  Because the second I do, I’m hittin the liquor store.  And I DO NOT want to do that.  Sooo, I’m writing, venting, vomiting verbal sputum.  

The black thick raunchy vile death that has been sitting becoming gangrenous and smelly inside my body for so long, is now being forced out. I’m feeling the loss of someone that I once loved, someone whom I never really told how much I wanted to be with them. At least I never showed it. I’m feeling the pain of all the mistakes I made, and all the bullsh*t I drug my kids through…the deep empty feeling that sits void inside my heart where my grandfather’s (and now my grandmother’s) presence once filled. All these things have been ruminating around inside me today, and to be honest, it all hurts. I’ve cried today, a lot. My eyes hurt. I’ve prayed and asked for forgiveness. I know this all will pass, but as I take things, sometimes, one minute at a time, it just seems like it’s taking TOO LONG!!

This is a post from 10 years ago. TEN. And I can honestly say that I go through this exact same thing now. I still want to go get that bottle of Jameson, I still want to numb the pain, throw myself into oblivion and feel nothing. Though I will give myself some credit that I don’t go get that bottle of Jameson, I don’t abuse my mental health and pain medication. So I’m patting myself on the back for that. But the urge is still there sometimes. Trauma and abuse are linked to addiction. But I have found better ways to deal with the bad days now. I don’t reach for that quick fix, I don’t make excuses for this or for that. I just put it all out there and ask for help. I have crisis on speed dial, I have a therapist that I’ve been seeing for 8 years, I have a support network, and protocol when it gets so bad that I can’t deal.

I’ve had 5 psychiatric hospital stays because I couldn’t handle my life. I am not ashamed of that anymore. I used to be, but not now. I am an imperfect human being trying to live, and I know I am flawed.

I am doing better. Understanding is key, being vulnerable is necessary. Admitting mistakes is necessary, and so is apologizing.

Don’t give up if you struggle. Reach out and ask for help. If you are in crisis you can text 988.

✌️Shassy

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/Calmerry
by

Post Acute Withdrawal

Post Acute Withdrawal

Post Acute Withdrawl. (PAW)

Exerpted from “Staying Sober” by : Terence T. Gorski

“When most people think about alcoholism or drug addiction, they think only of the alcohol/drug-based symptoms and forget about the sobriety-based symptoms.  Yet it is the sobriety based symptoms, especially post acute withdrawal, that make sobriety so difficult.  The presence of brain dysfunction has been documented in 75-95% of the recovering alcoholics/addicts tested.  Recent research indicates that the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal associated with alcohol/drug related damage to the brain may contribute to many cases of relapse.

Post acute withdrawal is a group of symptoms of addictive disease that occur as a result of abstinence from addictive chemicals. In the alcoholic/addict these symptoms appear seven to fourteen days into abstinence, after stabilization from the acute withdrawal.

Post acute withdrawal is a bio-psycho-social syndrome   It results from the combination of damage to the nervous system caused by alcohol or drugs and the psychosocial stress of coping with life without drugs or alcohol.

Recovery causes a great deal of stress.  Many chemically dependent people never learn to manage stress without alcohol and drug use.  The stress aggravates the brain dysfunction and makes the symptoms worse.  The severity of PAW depends upon two things:  the severity of the brain dysfunction caused by the addiction and the amount of psychosocial stress experienced in recovery.

The symptoms of PAW typically grow to peak intensity over three to six months after abstinence begins.  The damage is usually reversible, meaning the major symptoms go away in time if proper treatment is received.  With proper treatment and effective sober living, it is possible to learn to live normally in spite of the impairments.  But the adjustment does not occur rapidly.  Recovery from the nervous system damage usually required from six to 24 months with the assistance of a healthy recovery program.  Recent research is showing that for some recovering people the symptoms of PAW often occur at regular “moon cycle” interval and without apparent outside stressors.  Often those 30, 60, 90, 120, 180, and 1 and 2 year sobriety dates seem to be “triggering” times for PAW symptoms to increase.  People recovering from long term opiate and stimulant use often have PAW symptoms for no apparent reason for up to 10 years after they have stopped using their drug of choice.  Often PAW symptoms appear to come and go without apparent reason and without any specific pattern.  Individuals who intend to have consistent long-term recovery must learn to recognize these symptoms and learn how to manage them.

Symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal

The most identifiable characteristic is the inability to solve usually simple problems.  There are six major types of PAW symptoms that contribute to this.  They are the inability to think clearly, memory problems, emotional overreactions and numbness, sleep disturbances, physical coordination problems, and general problems managing stress.  The inability to solve usually simple problems because of any or all of these symptoms leads to diminished self esteem.  A person often feels incompetent, embarrassed, and “not okay” about themselves.  Diminished self esteem and the fear of failure interfere with productive and challenging living…”

I had studied all of this before, but as I read this, I realize that I need to keep focused.  I have experienced some of these symptoms, and luckily I have not relapsed.  It was very hard. I will better be able to handle recovery, if I understand what is happening.

Although, there have been times where I have fallen, face first, right off the wagon. It’s like the sticker stuck in your sock, that pokes your ankle but you can’t quite seem to find it. It’s always there. The thought of the sweet escape from whatever pain I’m feeling, is always there. Always. Dopamine is a powerful drug. Don’t ever think it’s your friend when you decide to reach for that unhealthy coping skill, because that skill could kill you. Trust me on that one. I’ve overdosed and only by the grace of God I am here to talk about it. Maybe one day I’ll write a post about it, but right now, I’m not ready.

depth photography of blue and white medication pill
Photo by Pietro Jeng on Pexels.com

✌️Shassy

by

A winter wonderland. Beautiful

A winter wonderland. Beautiful

Yesterday we had a winter storm roll in. It was the kind of snowfall that was heavy with big fat flakes. There was no wind, and it was amazingly quiet to walk through.

I love those kinds of snow storms. It calms me. I don’t know if it stirs up memories from my childhood, or if it’s just the awesomeness of nature that quiets my anxious heart.

Zoey and I took a ride on the gator around the property just taking it all in. Other than the sound of the engine, it was still and quiet.

Winter wonderland

Zoey doesn’t really like her new boots, but she knows they help protect her paws.

I will forever be in awe of the ability for nature to change and transform. I wish more humans would leave nature be, but that’s not the case. I can’t say that I wouldn’t enjoy a little place where I could grow my own food, and have a save to place escape. It’s coming. You can be guaranteed of that.

Nature grounds me. If I’m feeling anxious, depressed, having ptsd flashbacks, serious MDD symptoms, I can always put myself out in the woods, or stick my fee in the dirt, and it calms me.

The world around me, that has traumatized me, just stops.

I’m doing more of that.

✌️Shassy

by

American Mustang Vivre la vie

American Mustang Vivre la vie

Soft breath

Flutter on my face

A warmth

Fleeting.

Wind whips by

Leaving me with your scent

Woodsy, sweet and earthy.

You’re gone

But just for a moment

I see you up on high,

So proud and strong.

I hear your voice

Reassuring me that you’re still around.

Then gone again, to be free

To be loved

To love

As it should be,

Always free.

Poetry, writing©️shassyswalkabout.com

Dedicated to the remaining wild and free mustangs, and those that are trying so very hard to let them stay that way, and out of the slaughter pipeline, where they are inhumanly, and brutally, painfully, killed.

Pass the Safe Act.

https://aldf.org/project/the-save-americas-forgotten-equines-act-safe-act-federal/

by

UPDATE:Vagus Nerve. I saw a video about resetting the vagus nerve, and thought I’d think out-loud via a blog. The vegus nerve runs from top to bottom throughout your body.

picture of magic garden from fairy tales
Update: Vagus nerve. I saw a video about resetting the vagus nerve, and thought I’d think out-loud via a blog. The vagus nerve runs from top to bottom throughout your body.

**Sorry this took so long, I’ve been running twelve different directions, and reading a lot. I’ve tried to condense this down to be a shorter read, with links to some of the information I have read.**

What is the vegus nerve? It is one of 12 cranial nerves that run throughout your body, and it affects both motor and sensory functions. It helps control digestion, heart rate, breathing, cardiovascular activity and reflex reactions such as sneezing. It comes from the Latin word “wandering” because it basically wanders from top to bottom throughout your body. It helps regulate your immune system, helps control the fight or flight response, inflammation in response to disease.

“It has four main functions: sensory, special sensory, motor and parasympathetic.” (Cited from this trusted source). It has a back and front (dorsal and ventral). Cues are activated along these during neuroception during times of safety, or times of, what you may perceive as danger. Safety cues are activated through the ventral, and danger cues are activated through the dorsal side.

“According to the Polyvagal theory, the vagus nerve is the key phylogenetic substrate that supports efficient emotion recognition for promoting safety and survival. Previous studies showed that the vagus nerve affects people’s ability to recognize emotions based on eye regions and whole facial images, but not static bodies. “ (Cited from this trusted source.)

The vegus nerve can get out of whack, to explain it easily. It’s the longest cranial nerve running from the base of the brain, down to the colon. Damage to the vegus nerve can affect cardio function, or anything else that it helps to regulate. There’s a lot of other info via this trusted source, if you would like to read more from that publication.

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/cbd/

So as I’m reading all of this, and researching, what I’m understanding is this. If you ever get a gut feeling, your vagus nerve is involved, if you are ever in a traumatic situation, your vagus nerve is deciding which emotion, or feeling is going to be sent to the brain. In my case, I had a home invasion. During the actual event, I was feeling anxiety and fear. How this affects my diagnosis of ptsd, I believe is relevant. The brain tells the body what to do, but the body has built in survival mechanisms…one being this cranial nerve. But it’s been years since the home invasion….so is my vagus nerve still reacting? I believe the answer is yes. In the moment, the body defaults to survive. But the brain remembers the trauma, and it’s chemical makeup in changed after trauma. So during times when I have episodes of flashbacks, or anxiety, I believe the brain sends fight or flight signals to the vagus nerve, which can then cause physical manifestations of the original trauma. Elevated heart rate, nausea, rapid thoughts.

This also applies to a persons ability to empathetic. Good things come from the vagus nerve.

“However, sometimes we do not receive this care and love in our relationships. Relational trauma impair our trust in others and, like all traumatic events is held in the body and is often maintained as dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS is the part of your nervous system that manages how you respond to stress. In addition, the ANS also helps you to find healthy relaxation into a felt experience of safety. All of this is directly related to the tone and health of your vagus nerve.” (Cited directly from this trusted source from Dr. Arielle Schwartz.)

So now that I’ve done this research, in layman’s terms, this cranial nerve can directly impact your emotion, physical well being, and correlate happy and sad events. Traumatic events, being in love, how we are going to respond, if we have symptoms of ptsd, ect. So that can explain my question to myself, below, can trauma, ect cause damage. Yes it can. It rewires things sometimes.

How can we repair our vagus nerve. I’m including a link here to explain all of that. Alternating nasal breathing, going out in nature. (I do this, it works), changing your diet to unprocessed Whole Foods. (Here’s a link to start changing your diet). I have changed my diet, to nothing processed. Nothing. Processed foods make me feel bad, and cause autoimmune flare ups for me.

In answer to this question: YES. ➡️What I’m wondering, is can trauma; be it physical, mental, emotional etc., cause damage, and exacerbate existing mental health issues, by causing small injuries to the vagus nerve. Obviously physical damage can do that.. car wreck, a fall. Can a person who has undiagnosed autoimmune, personality disorder, or any other mental health disorder become more symptomatic if the vegus nerve is damaged and goes undetected? Or are a lot of those caused from a damaged vegus nerve?

I’m probably overthinking it…but I’m going to do some research. I already know that people with the MTHFR polymorphism, can be affected by the bodies inability to absorb other nutrients, thus causing more issues. It can also lead to early onset Alzheimers. I’m just wondering how and IF it’s affected me and my diagnoses.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Lol

✌️

Vegus nerve Cardio Shassyswalkabout.com
Photo by Alexander Ant on Pexels.com

Keywords: vagus nerve stimulation vagus nerve disorders vagus nerve exercises vagus nerve symptoms, vagus nerve function, vagus nerve and anxiety

by

Suicide Prevention

gray scale photo of man covering face with his hands
Suicide prevention

I recently became aware of someone that I know, who has been struggling with addiction and mental health issues. This is close to my heart.

I have struggled my entire life with depression and suicidal thoughts. (Since the age of 9). This is close to my heart, because I have made it through the rough parts. But not without work and many failings and falling down.

When I found out about this person, I wrote a poem for him. He is no longer with us, and I wish I had paid closer attention, because I KNEW there was something going on behind the scenes. I saw it in his eyes. Lesson learned, I’m going to ask, friend, or foe, if I see something. If they reject, then Ok, but at least I tried.

Below is the link to the poem I wrote. I have a couple of sites, and try to publish poetry, writing etc, on two major sources, here and Medium.

Rest In Peace.

Please click the picture to read the poem. It’s a safe link, I will never post a link that is unsafe.

Subscribe to get access

Read more of this content when you subscribe today.

Subscribe

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, call someone for help, or text 988.

https://www.nami.org/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/FCC-Designates-988-as-a-Nationwide-Mental-Health-Crisis-and-Suicide-Prevention-Number

https://atomic-temporary-41308365.wpcomstaging.com/Calmerry
suicide prevention
Photo by Elīna Arāja on Pexels.com

Keywords: suicide prevention, suicide prevention, national suicide prevention lifeline, about suicide prevention, suicide prevention program,

by

Ghosts

Ghosts

Cold ghosts from the grave

Clawing up with rose colored glass

Only to slither under skin

Feeling warm, then reminds of sin

Come at me, defiant one

Trick me with your violent pun

For I will always see

The truth in you

Blackened

Fetching

Luring

The prince you think you are

Not true

For you

Are nothing; death destroying

Disguised as diamonds

Under rotting flesh

Stealing from others

Incapable of feeling

Light shines through your guise

For in reality you are far from wise

So try as you may, to sway and disguise

Truth will prevail

It will be you who dies.

©️shassyswalkabout.com

Ghosts from the past
by

Flashback

Flashback

Obtrusive words

You bring to me

After a speck of guilt filled kindness sent

Though they weren’t,

They were

Only wanting

Always needing

I push down feelings of betrayal

Once again

You kill me with your presence

Without even being here

Your effervescent light is just trickery

Armor on

Tears repressed

I must realize the facade

Step back

Retract

Breathe deep and weep.

Flashback

©️shassyswalkabout.com

by

There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

There are times when others only want to talk to us, or see us when we seem to fit into their lives.

Our society has conditioned our ever present brains to accept what is put in front of our faces, usually via an electronic device or screen. We post a smiling face, nice house, fancy car, when in reality a lot of our lives are filled with pain, dysfunction and calamity.

Suicide thoughts run rampant among those of us who have had to deal with a lifetime of trauma. Or any trauma. Whether it’s from combat, familial abuse, spousal abuse, or abuse from a stranger. Anything traumatic, that makes a person question their safety, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, mental or physical,WILL CHANGE YOU.

I don’t care what you say. It changes a person. Someone who has experience trauma, will not come out on the other side the same, and a lot of times, they don’t even recognize what’s happening, and have no idea how to deal with it. (Me).

This has been me for the majority of my life. Not knowing what’s wrong, wanting to “fix” it, not understanding why I made horrible choices and decisions, and stumbling through, hiding my pain and ignoring my own emotional well being, thinking that crying, or showing emotion, was considered a weakness.

This year has been a really good year of understanding, self discovery, setting boundaries, forgiveness, mixed in with a range of emotions including extreme anger, heartbreak and acceptance. It’s not a done deal, as life is about change, and since we (me, you) are still here, then the progression will continue.

How much should a person share? Where’s the boundaries? When does it become too much? Or not enough? A lot of people really don’t care when they ask “How ya doin’?” It’s a knee jerk reaction, and honestly, we as humans need to watch our words. I STILL have a hard time with that… thinking that everyone means what they say. They don’t. They are full of shit.

Not every person is an asshole, not every person INTENDS to not mean what they say. But there are people who just provide lip service; they say what they think you want to hear, and walk off. Stay away from those people.

AND, there are genuine, good humans, who say things, then life happens and they, for some reason out of their control, couldn’t follow through, or said something that came out wrong. I’ve done that myself.

We aren’t perfect. Our lives aren’t perfect. We wake up with morning breath, we don’t always shave our legs (haha), we get so depressed that we feel like we would be better off, not alive anymore, or can’t shower, eat, breathe without physical pain. If I posted the 90 bazillion other photos of how I really feel during the day, most days, I’d have someone calling for a welfare check.

I guess I want to normalize being REAL. No, we don’t need to share everything, no one needs to know how many shits you took today… (unless you are in the hospital, or work in the medical field… but that’s another post…lol).

Needing validation is a human necessity, in my opinion, but, it needs to be done in a healthy way, and not filled with falsified “look at my perfect life” Instagram photos, or creating the perfect reel, with the perfect children, skinny perfect wife and hot ripped husband. We need to support each other as humans, perfectly flawed and messed up.

Yes, keep yourself healthy, because we all know that batshit crazy person (people) who’s narcissistic abusive behavior will ruin you. Set your boundaries, and for the love of mud, do not let them move. Flexible, maybe, but have a hard line. That may sound like a bass-ackwards way to describe it, but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. (I have crisis in my contacts). Don’t be ashamed of not being what society or people think you should be. It’s not their business.

Also, if you’re an asshole, keep being you boo…you’re not fooling anyone.

✌️Everything is here.

There are times

Keywords: there are times, there are time when you might feel aimless, there are times in life lyrics, embittered there are questions unanswered