Monthly Archives: May 2023

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3 consequences of using chemicals on your yard. How it’s hurting the ecosystem, our water, animals and livestock.

I’ve become acutely aware of how using fertilizer and insecticide has negatively affected my life. My dogs life in particular.

Recently I had taken one of the cats to the vet because he was losing hair. The vet did skin scrapings, and blood work and found no mange, no fleas or ticks, and no infections. He concluded that the cat had developed an autoimmune disease from being exposed to environmental toxins. Fertilizer and insecticide are used regularly, and have been for years, at the location where the cat lives.

Upon doing research I found that excess use of synthetic fertilizers over time can create unhealthy algae blooms, runoff kills aquatic life, and exposure over time negatively affects domestic animals. Not to mention humans….think about the Roundup issues. (I’ll list just a few websites that talk about these things at the bottom of this post.)

3 consequences of using chemicals on your yard. How it’s hurting the ecosystem, our water, animals and livestock.

Personally it’s affected my dog. (We don’t live there, we just go out to take care of animals.) Her immune system has become so sensitive that she can no longer eat red meat proteins, absolutely no commercial dog food, (read the ingredients… it’s full of chemicals), and she develops an allergic reaction if she walks in the grass. I have to give her a Benadryl. She can now only eat fruits and vegetables, olive oil, and a very small amount of tuna for salmon for her protein. If I try to give her any other type of protein, rice, corn, oats, barley, meat….she will be vomiting within the hour.

Two years ago, the momma cat had a kitten with an underdeveloped leg, that had to be subsequently amputated. He’s fine and living his best life now as a house cat, but I’m beginning to believe that it was caused from his mother being exposed to all of the stuff that is used on the property.

Let me be clear…I know that nothing was done intentionally. No one was intentionally trying to hurt the ground, or animals. But the simple fact is that it has.

So what can be done? It’s not my property, so I can do nothing but express what I’ve researched and learned and take care of my animals.

On my own small garden, I use no pesticides other than chili powder and garlic powder. I sprinkle that in and around my plants and I have no issues with insects destroying anything.

Why am I saying all of this? Because it’s our responsibility to be good stewards of this planet and the animals and ecosystems that are here. Do some research for yourself and see how deforestation is killing and completely eliminating entire species. It’s not just here, it’s everywhere. Go watch the show on Hulu, Secrets of Elephants…there’s a prime example of humans ruining the planet.

It’s no secret that I am an animal and create lover, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve begun to see behind the scenes and how careless the inhabitants of this planet are to the only place we have to live. We are destroying the planet. Where else can we survive and live? NOWHERE. I don’t care what everyone says about Mars, no one is living there, so the point is mute.

I wish I had known then what I know now.

Would you roll around in the chemicals you put on your yard? Or spray yourself with the insecticides that you put on your plants? If you wouldn’t, then don’t do it.

I’m a firm believer in what goes around, comes around.

Do better.

✌️

Shassy

Click to access marc_lawnchemicals.pdf

https://learn.eartheasy.com/articles/lawn-care-chemicals-how-toxic-are-they/#:~:text=Many%20chemicals%20remain%20active%20from,contaminated%20grass%2C%20can%20cause%20illness.

https://time.com/6184986/are-lawn-fertilizer-chemicals-bad-for-you/

I have read many research papers, articles, testimonies on this, but this blog post is meant to express my concern, and encourage you to do your own research. Don’t take my word for it, although I’m right. But as with anything on the internet, you can find both good and bad opinions and publications for whatever you want. My PERSONAL EXPERIENCE is negative with excess use of chemicals, so I can testify to that. You an also find much more information on how chemicals and living an unhealthy lifestyle can cause cancer, obesity, high blood pressure, hair loss, skin loss…. I could go on and on.

So it’s not a fairy tale, and it’s been proven that chemicals kill. Obviously, we’ve used them in war to eliminate our enemies. Shocker.

So what are the three consequences? Toxicity to humans and animals, toxic ground water, and death. We can’t live like this anymore, and it’s showing. Of course illness is a business in this country, so…but that’s another post for another day.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Keywords: chemicals, kill, autoimmune, skin loss, hair loss, obesity, lawn chemicals, cancer, dogs, cats

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Happiness, sadness, nothingness…weirdness

Current update: I started this blog post a couple of days ago, during a time when I was having a meltdown, for lack of a better word. I had it set to publish, but somehow my brain clocked back into “logical” mode, and it put it back in drafts.

Most of the time during a crisis, I absolutely can’t think straight, and I make decisions when I shouldn’t, when I’m “intoxicated” with a certain emotion. At the time of beginning this post, I was REALLY sad, right now, I’m just tired, and sort of numb. The sadness isn’t as overwhelming, and I was able to see through the fog, and realize for a split second that “this too shall pass”.

I don’t know what caused this meltdown. But I’m beginning to see a sliver of light, and that’s telling me that it’s coming back around and coming to an end. I feel dumb occasionally because I feel like I’m to self absorbed and get in this rut and the only thing I can focus on is not going to the hospital. It’s frustrating.

But I wanted to add to this post, before I published, so that if there’s others going through the same type of thing, to not give up…I was able to spend time with my new grand baby yesterday, and that lifts my soul like no other. I also just jumped on my horse and had a quick ride, which completely changes my mind set at the time.

Also, things changed very quickly with the plan to move my horse, my friend ended up not being able to take her due to personal reasons, so Sadie is staying with me, and I’m really glad for that, but also hoping that the issues that are affecting the cats, don’t cross over to her. There is no chemicals sprayed on her pasture or paddock, so prayers that everything stays good there.

Following up with my last post about why I became an addict, is the ever fluctuating range of emotions, other than pain. I’m at this moment, extremely sad. Just overwhelmed with it. I’m tired too. It’s actually kind of scary because I don’t know what crazy emotion I’m going to feel next.

One minute I’m hurting, physically hurting, the next minute I’m numb, the next I’m furious, then I’m crying, feeling heartbroken, then I’m sad, then I’m just literally nothing. I don’t remember the last time I was actually happy. Yes, I do, it was when I was riding my horse. There-in lies the stab. Having to send her back to my friends house because of environmental toxins…

I hate it. It’s hard to handle in a healthy way.

So, I’m going to do what I used to do when I was a child…I’m going to create a goal, dream or whatever you want to call it, so I can plan to go see her on the weekends. Hopefully.

Logically I know she will be ok, she might even be happier being around other horses, since they are herd animals. Although the deer would come into her pen with her and hang out.

Following up with my last post about why I became an addict, is the ever fluctuating range of emotions, other than pain. I’m at this moment, extremely sad. Just overwhelmed with it. I’m tired too. It’s actually kind of scary because I don’t know what crazy emotion I’m going to feel next.

I’m trying to not be selfish and keep her somewhere where she could possibly get sick, like three of the cats are. The vet told me it was environmental toxins (lawn fertilizer, insecticide etc). I’m trying to be preventative, instead of waiting until something happens that’s harmful.

Then, I start to think that she’s going to think I’m abandoning her. Horses remember and are sentient beings. An example is she doesn’t like men. There’s a reason for that. But I don’t want her to think that…but how do we really know what horses think? I can tell sometimes because she nickers to me, and she’s not a very talkative horse.

Blah blah….this is just another dumb post about my feelings of sadness over losing something again. That’s how I feel, like I’m losing. Losing in general, losing at life, losing at everything.

It’s the shits. I don’t recommend it.

I know this will pass, and I can’t fucking wait until it does.

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Current update: I started this blog post a couple of days ago, during a time when I was having a meltdown, for lack of a better word. I had it set to publish, but somehow my brain clocked back into “logical” mode, and it put it back in drafts.

Most of the time during a crisis, I absolutely can’t think straight, and I make decisions when I shouldn’t, when I’m “intoxicated” with a certain emotion. At the time of beginning this post, I was REALLY sad, right now, I’m just tired, and sort of numb. The sadness isn’t as overwhelming, and I was able to see through the fog, and realize for a split second that “this too shall pass”.

I don’t know what caused this meltdown. But I’m beginning to see a sliver of light, and that’s telling me that it’s coming back around and coming to an end. I feel dumb occasionally because I feel like I’m to self absorbed and get in this rut and the only thing I can focus on is not going to the hospital. It’s frustrating.

But I wanted to add to this post, before I published, so that if there’s others going through the same type of thing, to not give up…I was able to spend time with my new grand baby yesterday, and that lifts my soul like no other. I also just jumped on my horse and had a quick ride, which completely changes my mind set at the time.

Also, things changed very quickly with the plan to move my horse, my friend ended up not being able to take her due to personal reasons, so Sadie is staying with me, and I’m really glad for that, but also hoping that the issues that are affecting the cats, don’t cross over to her. There is no chemicals sprayed on her pasture or paddock, so prayers that everything stays good there.

Following up with my last post about why I became an addict, is the ever fluctuating range of emotions, other than pain. I’m at this moment, extremely sad. Just overwhelmed with it. I’m tired too. It’s actually kind of scary because I don’t know what crazy emotion I’m going to feel next.

One minute I’m hurting, physically hurting, the next minute I’m numb, the next I’m furious, then I’m crying, feeling heartbroken, then I’m sad, then I’m just literally nothing. I don’t remember the last time I was actually happy. Yes, I do, it was when I was riding my horse. There-in lies the stab. Having to send her back to my friends house because of environmental toxins…

I hate it. It’s hard to handle in a healthy way.

So, I’m going to do what I used to do when I was a child…I’m going to create a goal, dream or whatever you want to call it, so I can plan to go see her on the weekends. Hopefully.

Logically I know she will be ok, she might even be happier being around other horses, since they are herd animals. Although the deer would come into her pen with her and hang out.

Following up with my last post about why I became an addict, is the ever fluctuating range of emotions, other than pain. I’m at this moment, extremely sad. Just overwhelmed with it. I’m tired too. It’s actually kind of scary because I don’t know what crazy emotion I’m going to feel next.

I’m trying to not be selfish and keep her somewhere where she could possibly get sick, like three of the cats are. The vet told me it was environmental toxins (lawn fertilizer, insecticide etc). I’m trying to be preventative, instead of waiting until something happens that’s harmful.

Then, I start to think that she’s going to think I’m abandoning her. Horses remember and are sentient beings. An example is she doesn’t like men. There’s a reason for that. But I don’t want her to think that…but how do we really know what horses think? I can tell sometimes because she nickers to me, and she’s not a very talkative horse.

Blah blah….this is just another dumb post about my feelings of sadness over losing something again. That’s how I feel, like I’m losing. Losing in general, losing at life, losing at everything.

It’s the shits. I don’t recommend it.

I know this will pass, and I can’t fucking wait until it does.

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Happiness, sadness, nothingness…weirdness

Keywords: sad, bullshit, support, crazy, emotion, advocate for yourself, processing emotions

Photo by Elu012bna Aru0101ja on Pexels.com

Happiness, sadness, nothingness…weirdness

Keywords: sad, bullshit, support, crazy, emotion, advocate for yourself, processing emotions

Photo by Elu012bna Aru0101ja on Pexels.com
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This is why I became an addict

I am realizing, once again that life gives us opportunities to learn, experience, and process many, many things.

At the present I am going through having to move my horse back to the person from whom I got her, due to my fear that the chemicals used at the place where she is now, will affect her negatively. It is already affecting three of the cats.

With this realization, I am experiencing extreme emotional pain and I’ve been trying every way I know how, to avoid feeling that pain.

Which is how I became an addict. To avoid feeling emotional pain.

I’m sure as a child I tried to find ways to feel better, that weren’t brought on by drugs or alcohol, but starting at the age of 16, I found beer. That started a 30-ish year trend of finding something, anything, to not have to feel.

In 2019 during therapy, I found out why I did a lot of the things that I had during my lifetime. So for me to do anything other than handle this situation in a healthy way, would be a precise choice of my own. I don’t have the “luxury” of not understanding anymore.

This is why I became an addict

But let me tell you…I sure as shit want to do ANYTHING to not feel what I’m feeling right now, and I’m finding it extremely hard to not relapse. This is a first for me. I know and understand my illnesses, I understand why I became and addict, I took away all the power of the drugs (prescription) and alcohol when I understood why I was using them. BUT…I also remember how well it worked.

And right now, I’m struggling. I do not handle emotional pain well…I always do something unhealthy…right now I can’t eat without getting nauseated. So I’m not eating. That’s an eating disorder. I want to drink, but have made the decision quite a few years ago, that wanting to drink isn’t good enough for the shitty hangover the next day.

I want to abuse my pain medication, but I’ve also learned a few years ago, that abusing my pain medication is not worth the misery it puts my body through. Messed up gut, retained fluid, etc etc.

So where does that leave me? To try to deal with it. I’m not good at that because I haven’t done enough of it. So here I am spewing it all out on this blog, thinking irrationally, considering deleting Facebook, because I don’t like it. That actually isn’t such a bad idea because I like my other social media platforms better. But the problem with all of that is I’m doing all of this “thinking” under the influence of a strong emotion, and could and would probably regret it later. Maybe. Who knows. I do know that I don’t like Facebook, but it has such a large range of people, that it’s a good way to get something out there. It’s also the place where I have the most followers.

So…what to do, what to do. I could delete this site, but I’ve had it for 10 years. It always seems to be the place where I come to write about all the bullshit that I think I’m going through. I’ve started writing poetry. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s not. Either way, it’s a way for me to process what almost always seems to be emotional pain. At least a lot of it is.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel inspired, write something, publish it, and then when I’m going back and reading through the things I’ve written, I have no memory of writing them…or at least a really faint memory, like a distant dream that’s fizzing away during awakening. Not sure what that’s all about.

I’m biding time. I don’t want to do that. I want to live my time, but I’m so fucking emotional right now that I can barely function. I actually feel like I have in the past when I checked myself into the looney bin. Am I on the verge of another breakdown? I hope not. My thoughts are vacillating between feeling like I’d be better off dead, feeling guilty, feeling guilty for feeling guilty…it just goes on and on.

I’m tired.

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Keywords: emotional pain, horses, coping skills, addiction

Photo by JESHOOTS.com on Pexels.com

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It’s been a rough 30 hours.

It’s been a rough 30 hours.

Updated: The cause has been determined to be exposure to chemicals/toxins. Probably from what is used on the yard and trees for weed and pest control. Please please, if you have animals, DO NOT USE CHEMICALS.

I am sick to my stomach about this. But there’s nothing I can do, it’s out of my control. I don’t own the property, or the cats, I just nurture, and care for them.

Please, if you are the praying kind, please send some my way, and for all of the animals that I’ve shared… especially Little T.

One of my favorite cats has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, the cause is undetermined, but there are many theories on why a cat gets an autoimmune disease.

I have a good idea, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.

I’m heartbroken. I take care of all of these animals, but they aren’t mine, and I can’t make decisions for them. (Except for Sadie, she is mine)

I also have to move my girl Sadie back to another place, due to this issue with the cats. And because of my vehicle problems, I won’t be able to see her everyday, like I have been since day one.

I have to do what’s best for her, and not think about my own feelings.

Our animals depend on us to do what’s best for them, and this is what’s best for Sadie.

But it breaks my heart, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will be very well taken care of and loved by many.

(My friend and I had made an agreement before I got her, that if for any reason, I could bring her back. So that’s what I’m doing).

I don’t know what the decision is going to be for sweet Little T and his condition, as those decisions aren’t up to me. He and I are bonded, and I’m very upset and needless to say there’s been a lot of tears.

Please send good vibes, prayers, whatever… this is going to be tough.

There’s nothing better than being with this girl.

I love you Sadie girl.

And to Little T… you know I love you too baby boy. 💔

Sadie and Little T

Keywords: heartbroken

dowhatsright

takeastand

speak

prayersneeded

horses

cats

littlet

mygirlsadie

prayersneeded

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Come for a walk with me.

I needed to just “be” today. I’ve been struggling, and it was a beautiful evening, so I just took my shoes off and headed out for a walk.

I knew when I got close to the barn, I’d have some company. CGC, Chapo and Little T came with me for a bit. For some reason Little T has been hiding out in the woods lately. We have two others, Bubbles and Millie, who like to live out in nature a lot. They come in and stay in the cat houses when it’s cold, and are always there for chow time, but they prefer to be out doing cat things.

Come for a walk with me.

I watched them hunt together one day….one stood on the edge of the grass line, and the other pushed out whatever critters they were going after. It was quite interesting actually. Bubbles and Millie are extremely bonded. I did not raise those two, and, well their backstory has some trauma, but I don’t want to go there right now.

I’ve heard many times that putting your feet on the ground, barefoot can really do amazing things for the soul. I firmly believe that. I always feel good when I’m barefoot. Especially if it’s raining. My mind and soul can relax, my anxiety fades, and my mind clears.

Voted Best Portable Power Station by CNET

bluetti-power-ac200p-2000w

This is why I’m working so hard to be able to get my vehicle reliable, so I can try to heal my heart, mind and soul from a lifetime of trauma.

I’m not giving up.👊

Here’s a short clip of our walk today. A longer one comes out on Friday on YouTube.

Hope y’all have a great Tuesday.

✌️

Shassy

Morning fog, with the sun shining through.

Keywords: walk, mental health, mind, body, soul, cats, sunshine, fog, dogs, cats, grounding, coping skills

©️shassyswalkabout.com

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Quick rundown of what I’ve done to the ole’girl. 1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee

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Here’s a quick rundown of what I’ve done to the Jeep….sink, cabinet for storage on top of my power system, a fold out little table for extra space, sink made from an older little end table with a drawer..drilled the hole for the sink, got a stainless steel bowl and drilled holes into it for drainage. Here’s a video. Links to what I’ve used below and in the description included in the YouTube video.

12V Fridge

Video to flashlight description

How to get the flashlight in the above video.

Foldable/Storage Solar Panel

Bluetti Solar Generator

I am upgrading to a little bigger generator to run the fridge, and an air conditioner (it’s like a cooler, but it will have to wait a while, it’s on my wish list.

With having some mechanical issues happening, I’m slowing down a bit. I can still go to places close to home until I get it all figured out. I have started a fundraiser for repairs on my vehicle.

Here’s where you can donate if you wish, all donations are tax deductible.

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8UlHPKkfJv

Cash App: https://cash.app/$hrsygirl

Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/shassy

Anywho, happy Monday

✌️

Shassy

Keywords: suv camping, 12v refigerator, memory foam, youtube, mechanical issues, tactical flashlight, ptsdawareness

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Let’s get that #1 favorite ball!

This morning was great, beautiful and after this I’m going to take a nap, ptsd is kicking my ass today, so I do what I need to make it through the day.

But before that, as I got out to the ranch, I played with Zoey for a while. Yesterday was rough for both of us. So to see her back to normal, wanting to play, filled my heart with joy. Zoey has a lectin intolerance, which causes her to projectile vomit if she eats the wrong things.

I felt so guilty because I thought I’d try some different protein in her breakfast, and I instantly knew that she was hurting, her tummy was upset. I’ll explain lectin intolerance in another post, but it’s real and it causes bad things to happen.

So this morning when she wanted to play ball and was feeling good, I felt good.

Here’s a video.

If you don’t understand how lectins can disrupt your body, check out this book.

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I have now lost 23 pounds changing my diet, and been able to apply these same principles to Zoey’s diet, and she has become a new dog.

I am fundraising for repairs on my jeep, or to get something different, as the Old Girl is about ready to go out to pasture.

If you would consider donating, here’s my links.

PayPal

CashApp

Kofi

I have a Patreon coming soon, and those to subscribe, and donate will get shoutouts on my channels.

Happy Sunday!

✌️

Shassy

Let’s get that #1 favorite ball!

  1. Let’s get that #1 favorite ball!

Keywords: fundraising, donate, mental health,

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Remember when fuel was about a $1?

I was driving out to do chores, on fumes, and stopped to put my last $11 in, and I started thinking about when a 20 dollar bill would be more than enough to fill up my tank.

My mom used to send me up to the convenience store with a dollar to get her a pack of smokes. Now, they are over $10 bucks a pack, depending on what brand a person smokes.

Even just since Biden has been president, things are just so expensive. I live on a fixed income, and after paying bills, barely have enough money for food. And because I have to make my dogs food from people food (veggies and fruits), most of my money for food goes to her.

I’m not whining, or having a pity party, just frustrated. I’m trying my best to take care of everything the way I should, but there just isn’t enough money to make it to the end of the month. Which is why I’m trying to hard to keep up with organically growing my online presence.

I can’t afford to pay for ads because to have it be successful, a person really has to have about $500 budgeted for ads. That would be half of my disability payment.

So organically it is. My YouTube is growing, and my Instagram is as well. Facebook is just Facebook, and doesn’t do much. I was getting viral reels on there, until they asked me to join their monetization program, and then instantly my views went down. Too much control for me.

Anyway, enough of that for now. It’s been a challenging day for me, and I’m trying to wind my brain down.

I wanted to share a LifeP0 Solar powered generator that has some great reviews. Check it out if you want. (Just click the picture)

bluetti-power-eb3a

This is the next generator I’m getting for my build. I don’t know if I’ll be using the Jeep for my trips this summer, or a van. The jeep is rolling smoke now when the engine is asked for any extra power… like running the AC. My son is looking for another vehicle for me, and so is a friend of mine. I guess I can’t expect her to run forever, even though I want her to, but she’s got 270,000 miles now. I do plan on keeping her though…and when I get someone else to drive, I’m going to rebuild the engine. She’s been good to me.

Anywho…no new news today…other than me feeling like I’m having a breakdown…it’s been one of those days.

✌️

Shassy

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Here’s the Jeep, with a couple of cats. Lol
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Circle

Circle

A poem

Circle, cycle

I’m headed down the drain.

The speed of this demon

Is mangling my brain.

I claw and I fight

Knowing this won’t be my end.

My heart is confused

With such a drenching reign.

Feelings swirl,

Conflict with logic.

I breath in and out,

Sweeping it into neurotic.

Mind spins, heart races

Keeping pace with this,

Excruciating race.

Then one day, the beating stops

My breaths are slow

Meaning well worn stalks.

Stalks filled with reminders

Of days past by,

When there were bruises

Or a swollen eye.

I have a reprieve…

How long will it last?

I don’t care, for I love for today

Calmness and aware,

Settle in and I sway

With the release of another

Pounding drenching day.

I still live.

I have a chance

Thank you universe for seeing me,

Giving me my stance.

©️shassyswalkabout2023

Keywords: poetry, pain, poetry community

  • Sleeping under the stars. 9 June 2023
    Sleeping under the stars #sunset #horses #peace #ptsdawareness #mentalhealthawareness #suvcamping #jeepminicamper #jeepcamping #carcamping
  • Finding my peace again, day #2.
    Finding my peace again, day #2 Day two of calming myself the fuck down. Spent another night in the jeep mini camper. I’m consciously verbalizing “slow down, keep your face out of your screens all day, read your book, stare outside and just breath and listen to the birds, and nature. Last night was better […]
  • I’ve been absent, relearning how to just “be”. 6 June 23
    I’ve taken a week off. I had an epiphany last night, and realized that I have forgotten how to relax. I know if you follow me, you might think that wouldn’t be an issue, especially if you watch any of my YouTube videos. But as I was camping last night, I found myself fidgeting, not […]
  • 3 consequences of using chemicals on your yard. How it’s hurting the ecosystem, our water, animals and livestock.
    How chemicals are killing us. #chemicals #toxic #animals #death
  • Happiness, sadness, nothingness…weirdness
    Most of the time during a crisis, I absolutely can’t think straight, and I make decisions when I shouldn’t, when I’m “intoxicated” with a certain emotion. At the time of beginning this post, I was REALLY sad, right now, I’m just tired, and sort of numb. The sadness isn’t as overwhelming, and I was able to see through the fog, and realize for a split second that “this too shall pass”. #emotions #processing #mentalhealth #don’tgiveup #advocate
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Craving Bliss?

A Poem

She craves the solitude,

Shy’s from others.

Safe in her little cocoon.

She says her prayers,

Takes her steps,

And goes to bed with no regrets.

Though….

Solitude is blissful

As people are sand,

There are days in her heart

Where she wishes she had a better plan.

Plan?

She laughs now at the pun,

Her plans always seemed to run.

In opposite directions,

In ways she would shun.

But should she have listened?

Shedded the shield?

No one will know now,

Time is breathing still

With or without her will.

Craving Bliss?

A poem

@shassyswalkabout.com

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Keywords: poetry, craving, bliss, mental health