Extended Release

At this very moment I want for nothing…I look at my life and see that it is good, for the most part.  I am happy, working, etc.  Then I wonder if I’m stuck.  Or tired…I don’t have any reservations about anything…actually, now that I look at what I just wrote, I realize that I am numb…I don’t feel ANYTHING.  Granted it is about 0300 in the morning,  and my eyes feel like I have sand in them, and my dog keeps farting…sheesh….Anyway.  (Nice useless tidbit of information, eh??)  I find myself becoming jaded I think.  Or maybe I’m just continuing to change and realize that I don’t need some of the things that I thought I did.  Someone said to me one time that they had read my blog, and that it said something different than what they saw in me.  My reply was that this is a feeling filled blog…I am writing it mostly for myself, because it helps me process, life-I guess that is the easiest way to explain it.  Feelings come, go and stay.  HA!  That’s a conundrum…I’m not even sure what that means, but it sounds like it fits.  This is a way for me to establish what is real and important and what is insecurity driven and dysfunctional based.  It has also made me realize that I don’t have to settle for anything, or I can.  I can do what I want. Well, unless God decides to pull the plug on my little life adventure..then ciao!  I’m outta here.   This has been one of the most positive things I have ever done in my life. For me…Sooo, as I sit here, typing away, I have come to the conclusion, again, but on a different level, that it is my choice what I do and how I do it.  If it pisses someone off, then that’s not my intention, but I have to do what I must.  I can not sit idly by and feel stagnant like a bog filled with cat tails.  It just doesn’t work for me.  I don’t live well in warm water with low oxygen…I want something a little more alive, like, say,  Niagra Falls.   🙂

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