Happy Sunday September 4, 2022

So for the last few weeks, days.. whatever, I’ve been struggling. I’ve been having nightmares, which isn’t normal for me, and they have been about people dying. I see my shrink tomorrow and will discuss this with her, but as usual I don’t understand the ”whys” for this. It has happened in the past, and like this time, I couldn’t figure it out either.

I have had some serious morbid thoughts during the day. Worrying about family and friends and having intrusive thoughts about myself dying. So much so that I wrote out a quick Advance Directive to put on my refrigerator in case something happens to me. My daughter is in grad school and will finish her APRN at the beginning of 2023, and she knows my wishes, but she’s not here. So I wanted to make sure they are clear. I’ll type up a more formal one later, but the day I wrote it out I was literally in a panic feeling like I had no control, and wanted to have some type of control over my body in case something would happen to me.

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I wonder if I’m feeling my age. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We take life for granted when we are young, at least I did. When my kids were home I focused on NOT doing some of the things that I had experienced as a child, and though I know I made mistakes, I think I did alright. Both of my kids are wonderful humans. I am very proud of them and what they have accomplished in their lives.

It’s hard for me to not punish myself for my past mistakes. I know, I know… it does a big fat zero to think about the ”what ifs”, and I try to remember that, but those feelings, thoughts and emotions creep back in now and then. I’m still human with flaws.

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So with this Sunday’s post, I’m going to do some self care. Sharing here, as I do, and a little bit of work, but other than that, I’m going to rest my soul and my body. I’m going to take a dose of CBD, and try to regroup.

I hope you all can enjoy your day as well. Life is short, love the ones close to you and be a kind human. If you can’t be kind, then just keep your mouth shut. LOL.

✌️

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