Remembering: It was the trees fault.
This post was originally published in 2013. Part of healing, for me is to look back at my past actions and thought processes and see what I can do different now, and what I could have done different then. I can’t change, unless I see what and how my actions affected myself or anyone else.
Also, I wrecked this car because I was abusing prescription drugs and drinking alcohol. My coping skills were completely and totally wrong, but I didn’t know another way to deal with emotional pain, other than to numb it with substances. Hence the title, “It was the tree’s fault”…I had yet to dig into my own mind to figure out whose fault it really was.
****This year was the first 4th of July that I did not drink alcohol. It was good…went and visited with friends, watched a lot of fireworks with the soothing sound of crickets in the background…it was nice. I was remembering spending Independence Day in DC metro, where I was born. Boy do they know how to blow some shit up!! I miss the history there sometimes…there’s just a tad bit more there than here in the middle of the country.
Yesterday, while pondering life, and when I was going to get my nails done, I got a flashback from my car wreck last year…I have never had one from that incident, and what I was feeling/remembering…I had never experienced before. Obviously. It kinda freaked me out. I have had flashbacks from the home invasion, but nothing related to my wreck to date, until then. I’ll have to talk to my doctor about it, or at least be prepared. Evidently my mind is just now ready to remember some things that I was unaware of. It’s exhausting and I’m glad I had my furkids here with me…now I know why my little one was acting the way he was. I swear he knows. People think I’m crazy when I talk about my pets like this, but I wouldn’t have made it out alive thus far, without them.****
P.S. I don’t get my nails done anymore, and the little guy that I was referring to, Sarge, has since gone over the rainbow bridge. I didn’t have Zoey then. I don’t actually remember this particular incident, but I do remember having random flashbacks of the car wreck. (See pic below.).
Zoey is now my service dog, but she does not do P.A. work anymore due to age, and her own ptsd, from being attacked by a little dog. It did not hurt her, but it affected her permanently. I’ve had her to a dog handler, and he said that she’s just damaged now, and that it’s a form of dog ptsd. That’s ok… I’ve got her back, she’s had and still has mine today. She still alerts for me at home, and tasks directly in relation to my disabilities.