oh MY God…

I’m doing way too much thinking these past few days.  I’ll have to take a break eventually, but until then, I’ll keep typing.

In 1993, I became a Christian.  I was pregnant, unwed, and my baby’s father had just left..on Christmas eve of that year.  I fell down upon my knees and told God that I needed help, that I am miserable, a miserable excuse for a human being, and why would He want me?

The next few months completely built the foundation for the faith that I have today.  I not only made ends meet, somehow, I don’t remember…but I literally, and yes…literally, saw my prayers answered.  Sometimes those prayers were answered within hours of me praying them.  It was so clear these answers, there was no way I could doubt where the answers were coming from. I was not praying for what I wanted, I was praying for God to show me what He wanted, and those answers came in loud and clear. He was showing me what I needed most, that HE was THERE.  That’s all I needed…everything else fell into place.

The years since that time, I have learned what God’s voice sounds like in my life.  My communication with Him has ebbed and flowed, as my life has.  I have found when I didn’t request assistance in my life, with my decisions, I stumbled around like a lost soul, experiencing the consequences of my own decision making process.  Not always good, needless to say.  But when I clearly include Him in daily living, life seems to go much smoother.  I have someone else to give the burden too, the hurt to, the tears too.  I am never alone, and I know that feeling and it is good.  Even when I sit in my living room, with swollen eyes from too many tears, as it has been lately…I know that I am not alone. He has taken my burdens from me, so I don’t have to carry them.  Will I experience the heart ache, the pain of what life brings me, yes.  But I know that He understands me because He made me, and those thoughts and feelings and emotions I am going through, He put in me, so He knows…the ultimate Understander.  (Yea, that may not be a word, but oh well…)

I remember sometime someone said, “how can you have faith in something you cannot see.” That seems to be the question of the world…but that’s what faith is.

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