Addicted to…what??

I wonder sometimes how it is even possible to love someone and not like them at the same time. I would say hate, but that’s not something I can do, ever.  It’s not in me to hate.  But not like…um yea.  I’m sure that feeling stems from hurt, because generally that’s where all my negativity comes from.  Hurt.  I have changed somehow since yesterday.  There was a miscommunication and/or misconception on my part on something that was said to me, and subsequently the perception of what I ultimately said in response.  It seems as though what was said to me, somehow changed me.  I am still processing it, because honestly, I don’t exactly know how I feel, or how I’ve changed.  One of my readers mentioned something that made me think of something else.  Could a recovering addict be addicted to recovery? Be addicted to and stuck in a thought process that does not allow growth?  I’ve heard it said, “Don’t replace one addiction with another”…so could someone be so set in their ways, and content with where they are, that anything out of their comfort zone, would be rejected?  Is the fear of something new, even if it’s good, be too much?  I don’t know.  But I was wondering if that was at all possible.  Maybe it’s just as simple as people don’t know themselves well enough, and when there is something good, they can’t or won’t see it and can’t or won’t grab onto it and run with it.  It seems like there are a lot of reasons to not do one thing or another, being said these days.  There’s always a reason NOT to.  What about a reason TO DO it?   Sometimes I think focus is put too much on the negative things in life, because it’s easier.  “I’m not ready, I can’t because it’s too much, it’s not you, it’s me…”  Always a reason to say no.  To back off, to not share.  I don’t get it. I must simply be a dork, because I’ll try and try again.

I was talking to my friend today, and I have what some would call a crisis happening in my life, but I’m not the least bit worried about it.  I’m not sure what I’m going to do, or how I’m going to handle it, but I’m not worried.  Strange.  LOL…But, for those who know me, strange is normal.  I’ve been called crazy, but only because if you dare me, I probably will…. just for fun. Well, maybe. 🙂

Tomorrow is a holiday for me, but I am going to work for double time and a half for a while.  I just couldn’t pass it up.  It will be a short day, but a profitable one none the less.  There’s going to be a lot happening tomorrow, a lot of decisions being made. Should prove to be interesting to say the least.

Peace out. I need a nap.

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